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Flavor of the Month

2012-03-26 09:00:00

As a mom I feel like I am supposed to be eager to listen to my childrens discussions about their favorite topics. I am supposed to listen, make smart comments that don't include "Uh huh" "(yawn) cool" and "that's nice dear". I am supposed to engage them in conversation, eeking out those moments of connections when my children want to share something with me. Because I keep hearing that once they hit the teen years I'm going to miss these moments.

I utterly fail at this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love me a good convo with the boys. Sometimes they say things that have my chortling until two in the morning. But take a fork and stick me in the eye when the boys go off on a tangent about something that makes me want to knock my head back and snore.

Xavier has what I call "flavor of the months". It's whatever he is completely into at the moment. He's had several and I bet you I know more about Thomas the Tank Engine, Hot Wheels, Star Wars, Indianna Jones, Bey Blades, Pokemon, Roblox, etc than the average parent. Because when Xavier gets a flavor of the month that is ALL he will talk about. The past few months it's all about Minecraft.

I'll wake up in the morning, still unable to walk coherantly, searching for clothes and Xavier is already at my door, telling me about some diamond he found in minecraft already this morning and how he plans on finding 64 more of them as soon as he gets his homework done and did you know that in Minecraft you can..... (by this time my eyes are glazing over).

Sitting down for my morning jolt of caffeine, trying to coax my brain into working, Xavier will walk by, back up two steps and start up where he left off. Did you know that in Minecraft you can build your own secret tunnels and that he made one last night but when we walked down it a zombie came after him, but zombies are slow and he had a shovel in his hand and was able to get away by making a...... (and now I'm drooling over the only clean shirt I could find).

Driving to carpool, I can hear Xavier trying to shout something to me from the back seat of the minivan while I'm trying to stop Soren and Ashe from beating on each other and listen to the news. Most mornings I adore how cavernous my van is. The whole ride there I nod my head and mutter "uh huh" and keep surrupticiously turning the radio up bit by bit as he continues without taking a breath.

I then have a little over 6 hours of a break.

Picking up from school, it's the same. During homework time he tries in vain to keep the discussion going but I have a strong anti-discussion unless it pertains to homework rule. Every five minutes when he starts a sentence I ask him if it's about homework. 95% of the time it's not and I tell him I'm not listening.

Dinner comes around and we gather as a family to talk about their day. J talks about whatever project he's working on. Ashe talks about Zelda. Soren barks. And Xavier is turning blue as he goes on about how after dinner, he's going to get on MineCraft and build a really cool roller coaster because he likes rollercoasters a lot but he's going to make one that reaches the moon and goes through caves that have zombies....

Every two minutes I remind him to eat. And don't talk with your mouth full! And by that time it's 5pm and I'm starting to chug wine.

If you are a parent who listens to every word your child says, you're a better parent than I. And while I salute you, I'm ok with not being the best parent in the world. Especially if it means I can stop hearing about the flavor of the month for a good portion of the day.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Unrestful Observations

2012-03-23 09:00:00

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."

Children are both smart and ruthless. They all have a sixth sense on when their parental units finally have a moment to breathe and they leap into action, determined to never allow a second of peace. MY kids have this down to a science.

Today is a typical day. By the time 10AM rolled around I had broken up five fights, microwaved my cup of tea three times, and was unable to get to my new cup of tea before it had oversteeped and was cold to the touch. Any time the boys were finally ensconced into an activity and they seemed content, if I even dared to start walking toward the bathroom all hell would break loose. As I type this I have already been interrupted three times by Ashe: once to help him put on my belt so he had a place to hang his sword. Once to ask how he looked with his sword and belt. Once to take the belt off.

I've only been typing for five minutes. I'm waiting for interruption #4 and it should happen any second now. Oh wait... there it is.

I don't get it. It's uncanny, disturbing, and downright aggravating. How is it that I can spend an hour trying to ensure that the boys are happily playing something they love, but as soon as I turn my back to them with the intent of chugging my lukewarm tea, things go to hell. There must be some secret kid code they use, silently communicating to one another, activating Code Unrest if they even think I am thinking of a quick break. I need to search their rooms for clues. I bet they have a hand book that teaches them these nefarious ways. I should study it and use their tactics against them. It is the only way to strike back before I lose my sanity!

Please tell me I'm not the only one

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Co-Sleeping

2012-03-19 09:00:00

Once in awhile I get an email from some random mom site I signed up for long time ago. 99% of the time I tend to trash them without giving them a look. But one title last week stood out to me. It was "Is Co-Sleeping Always a Bad Idea?".

If you had asked me this three years ago I may have tilted my head to the side as I pondered that question with serious thoughts to both sides of the argument. However, three kids later my answer was fast and furious: NO!

Let me explain:

BC I never would have even thought about co-sleeping. I am a bed whore. I like room. I use giant blankets so J and I never have to worry about the other hogging it. My pillows are so important to me that I tend to bring them with me to hotels instead of their crappy ones, and I brought MY pillow to the hospital when Xavier and Ashe were born. I sleep hard. I don't screw around with sleeping. And there was no way I would ever feel comfortable with a tiny infant in my bed. I would be so worried that I would never get any rest.

This worked for all of us as a family. Xavier and Ashe slept perfectly fine in their crib (or car seat as that seemed to be their ultimate favorite spot to sleep). Co-Sleeping was a non issue for us and I would have stayed blissfully in the middle of the fence in regards to this topic.

And then I had Soren.

Soren threw our world upside down in more ways than one. This was just one little topic where I had thought, as a parent of two already, I was knowledgeable. I still giggle when I think back to how naive I was.

For the first 6 months of his life, Soren refused, REFUSED to sleep unless he was touching me or J in some way. It just wasn't happening. I tried all sorts of different ways to try and get it so that we were touching while he was in his crib and I in my bed. It was never good enough for him. After endless days and nights with no sleep, in a fit of desperation I brought Soren into our bed. He was out like a light. And he slept the entire night through.

The first couple of weeks I kept myself awake almost nonstop, scared witless I would crush him. I moved pillows out, had no blankets. I refused to be one of those moms who woke up and found out she had smothered her precious darling while passed out, dreaming about the hunk of the month. But after while I started relaxing, and bit by bit we all got comfortable and most importantly... sleep.

It really wasn't that bad. As a new mom I don't sleep heavily anyways. I'm always on the alert. So the moment my baby made a sound that could be heard I was up, and aware. Most of the time it would just be him snuffling in contentment and he scootched closer to me.

If I hadn't given in and brought him to our share our bed, the household would have been a wreck. Everyone would have been at each others throats due to lack of sleep. You don't get much sleep with an infant anyway, so *any* sleep you can get you take. And from his perspective I get it. Your baby is nestled quite snugly for 9 months and then all of a sudden you expect him to sleep by himself? Hell no!

With three unique kids, I have learned on this path of parenting that there is NO such thing as one right way to parent. What works for one kid won't work for another. I've seen it time and again with my three kids. And while I would prefer to have my own bed, I also can get behind co-sleeping. Sometimes, it works. And I admit, I miss waking up once in awhile to find the most amazing little guy snug in the crook of my arm sighing happily, knowing he is safe and loved. It's one of my favorite memories.

Everyone has the right to their opinion, and feel free to disagree with me. But no random email from some moms site, I don't think Co-Sleeping is always bad. I think judging other moms for the choices they make to fit their family is bad.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Living The Dog's Life

2012-03-16 09:00:00

It has come to my attention that I no long have three boys. I now seem to have two boys and a human looking dog. Fortunately our new "canine" is potty trained. And I don't have to take it out for walks on a leash because if I did, like a good dog owner should, I'd probably have DSS on my porch in an instance.

Soren has decided that he wants to be a dog. What this means is that he walks around on all fours, ruffs at everything, and enjoys sneaking up on me when I'm in the middle of my book, and lick my face. Or my pant leg.

I know all kids go through this phase at some point, but none of them ever LICKED my pant leg before!!!!

Every once in awhile he tries to get us to feed him dinner on the floor. That doesn't fly at my house though. He also tried it at my moms last weekend, When I drove over to pick the kids up, she pulled me aside and quietly asked me if she was supposed to feed him on the floor like a dog as he had asked. I told her no, please god no. Fortunately she thought the same thing and refused.

If it keeps up I may have to start treating him like a dog. No playgrounds for dogs. No Chick-Fil-A for dogs. Dogs are not allowed on the couch and they sure don't get to play with Dad's I Pad!!!! I wonder how long his phase would last then?

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Angry Birds

2012-03-14 09:00:00

I think I am the only one left in this world that does not play Angry Birds. I tried it but I just don't get the hype. However, my kids are addicted to it like junkies on crack. I blame my mom, who is also an addict. In fact, that's how the boys learned about the game in the first place. One day they came home from her house chattering away non stop about birds and pigs and eggs and could they please get the app please please please? And while Soren doesn't talk much his language is advancing steadily as he tries to communicate his love for this game. He makes the cutest freaking noises when he mimics the birds and pigs. he can say egg and uh oh. And when he strings them all together it's an orchestra of words and sounds, but you know exactly what he's saying.

Now each night J is stuck trying to unlock new levels for Soren so he can play.

After seeing that this phenomenon was not going to die fast, I mentioned to J that it would be cool to get some stuffed animals of the Angry Birds. My reasoning behind this was that, instead of playing on the Ipad all day, the boys could make their own real life angry birds. So J found some and they arrived yesterday evening. As I had hoped, within minutes the boys had pulled out their blocks and started making their own Angry Bird Level.s I was able to snag a snapshot before they knocked it down:

I want to see how long this will go. I'm thinking if this really takes off for more than a week, I may go ahead and buy more blocks and more of these stuffed animals. J just might get his Ipad back!

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Roleplaying Woes

2012-03-12 09:00:00

I'd like to lodge a complaint against Nintendo. It has come to my attention that their most popular games are sexist. I find myself in a reoccurring situation where my children role play their favorite Nintendo games and I am always stuck as the stupid princess who needs rescuing.

Every day Ashe dresses up as Link, his favorite character EVER, and races off to fight Gannon, the evil wizard. And every day he comes up to me with soulful eyes, caresses my cheek and tells me that I am his Princess Zelda, and he will save me. I should not be afraid, because he is brave, and strong, and he will defeat Gannon and rescue me!!!

Or....

Ashe will dress up as Mario and come to me with soulful eyes, caress my cheek softly and tell me that I am Princess Peach, and he will save me from the evil Bowser, who has me captive in his dungeon. I should not be afraid for he is brave, and strong!

Ok look. I get that, as the only female in a house of five I will sometimes have to role play for my children characters I don't necessarily like. But c'mon! I don't always want to be the stupid princess that keeps getting caught by evil wizards or turtle dragons!!! I don't want to be told that I will be rescued and to not be afraid! Can't I be someone cool? Someone who can also fight too? Someone who isn't delegated to the couch a la high tower? I want to have my sword and fight evil villains! And I HATE pink dresses!!!! I hate pink in general!!!

I AM NOT A PINK KIND OF FEMALE!!!!!!!

/sigh

The things I do for my kids. They better remember as they grow up how much I love them. I love them enough to keep quiet and nod at them, and I am polite enough to turn my head away when I roll my eyes, when I am told yet again, that I need to be rescued. And to not be afraid.

Stupid sexist video games.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

My Little Exhibitionist

2012-03-09 09:00:00

ex·hi·bi·tion·ism (ks-bsh-nzm)n.

1. The act or practice of deliberately behaving so as to attract attention.

2. Psychiatry A psychosexual disorder marked by the compulsive exposure of the genitals in public.

It is normal for little ones to strip down to their skivvy's. It is normal for little ones to resist bedtime. It is normal for little ones to assert their independence by doing the two statements above.

But is it normal for little ones to resist going to bed, whisking off all clothing and dance on their windowsill for the neighbors pleasure each night?

Soren seems to think so.

The past few nights Soren has decided that once the light is turned off and the door closed, he can start his own strip club. He's even got the music and lights going (lullaby's from around the world and a ladybug stuffed animal that lights up stars on the ceiling). While I get that nakedness is normal, it is a pain in the butt to have to run up three flights of stairs to replace his Diego pull ups so there are no accidents.

However, its not the nakedness that bugs me. Heck, all three of my kids at that age preferred to have nothing on as much as possible. There were no pants to have accidents in. They could play with theirbody parts to their utter delight. I mean, who wouldn't want to be able to walk around nude more often if they could get away with it?

My concern is more for our neighbors sake. You see, once the lights go down, and the musics turns on, Soren has taken to stripping down on his windowsill and dancing for the neighbors. And with his bedroom on the third floor, I assure you, NOTHING is hidden.

The other night we were raiding in game. We had Ventrillo on, and were chatting with our friends around the country as we prepared to kick some pixellated butt as a team. One of our guildies has a 6 month old daughter and we could hear her happily chirping away in the background whenever he spoke. At one point he said how she was such a delight and was the perfect darling baby.

A few minutes later Ashe came running down the stairs yelling "DAAAAAD!!!! SOREN IS DANCING NAKED IN THE WINDOW AGAIN!!!" J yelled "AFK!" in vent and ripped off his headset while I sat there rolling my eyes. I quipped to my friend with the baby that he better enjoy her perfection now because in two years, he'd be dealing with a naked girl dancing in the window and have to run AFK like J.

Most of us in the guild are parents and can appreciate both the horror and humor that goes with raising little ones. This started us off on a run of "What my kid did to drive me crazy this week", and commentaries of how their own kids strip naked and do weird things at night. It's nice to have a bunch of friends who get this whole parenting thing, and can sympathize with you, trading war stories of their own. Fortunately no one had their neighbors complain to them. I'm knocking on wood our neighbor's were once parents themselves, and will be understanding if Soren continues his little exhibitionist behavior. Maybe their kids danced naked in the windows at some point too.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Go Go Gadget....

2012-03-07 09:00:00

When I was pregnant with Soren and we were doomed to buy an (gulp) minivan, we also purchased a DVD player for the van for long car rides. But there was a rule: no tv watching unless we were in the car for an hour or longer (which rarely happens here as everything aside from the zoo is less than 30 minutes away).

We've stuck to that rule despite a myriad of complaints for years. But while we still don't use the DVD player, I have broken the gadget rule over the past few months and I can't believe how I ever got along before that.

Let me explain.

Since Xavier's school is technically out of district I have to carpool. Every morning I hustle all three boys into the car, drive ten minutes there, wait in line for five, then ten minutes home. Every afternoon I have to hustle two boys into the car, one who would have recently woken up from his nap and is still grumpy. Then I drive ten minutes there, wait thirty minutes for the snake like line to move, and drive ten minutes home. That's on a good day. So every weekday I am stuck in the van with two kids who would rather be running around for a minimum of 50 minutes.

That's 50 minutes of listening to two kids bicker, whine, sing to children's music, and kick the back of my seat. It's enough to drive a saint insane and I am no saint.

Christmas time the boys got some cool toys. Ashe got a DS for his birthday (right before Christmas) and Santa brought the boys a Nook Tablet to share. J also got an Ipad for work, which really means the boys get to play with it. With the excitement of these gadgets still new I started bending the rules and letting the boys pick one gadget to bring with them to keep them occupied during carpool.

This one bent rule has made a world of difference in my sanity.

For 50 minutes the boys have one gadget of their choice. They can play Angry Birds to their hearts content, or Zelda, or read a book, or whatever they want to do within parental controls. They are happy. But most importantly, they are QUIET! I can now sit in carpool and read a chapter of my book while the boys are quietly engaged. And it's been heaven.

Does it make me a bad mom? Nah. You have to learn to roll with life with parenting, and you have to know when to pick your battles. This just wasn't one of them. If I were a kid and had to be stuck in a car for almost an hour a day, I'd have gone crazy too so I can sympathize. And there is only so much kids music one can listen to before it gets old and you start contemplating ramming your minivan into the car in front of you.

I personally think this is a win/win situation and wish I had thought of this sooner.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Life Lesson: Tantrums

2012-03-05 09:00:00

Everyone has a tantrum once in awhile and I am no exception. We parents tend to watch our kids in abject awe and horror when they melt down into pure emotional turmoil as their faces turn beet red, scrunch up their faces and loose forth their undiluted feelings in ear piercing shrieks and screams. But after yesterday, I totally sympathize, and will strive to remember that feeling of rage and frustration without the ability to use words to explain the depth of your utter pissed offness.

I admit that what I got super pissy about was low on the totem pole of things to go crazy over. The actuality of what happened is not important. It was more that, during my time of leisure while gaming, something was *not fair*. And while I get that life isn't fair, I still hold to that childish fantasy that leisure activities should be fair. Gaming is supposed to be an escape from life, from unfairness, from all those things that tick you off during the day. It's supposed to be a place to focus that pent up energy of the day and let loose with the knowledge that since it's not real, it's rules can be bent to be fair, or as fair as possible.

And because of my naive hope that if *I* show how to be fair to others that they will in turn do the same for me (and despite the fact they never have to this day I still keep trying to be the bigger person), I lost out big time on a major event last night. I keep hoping that I won't have to be put in that position in the first place. I keep hoping that instead of having to step up (again) and volunteer to sit out so that the raid could start, the powers that be would do their job and choose people who had not sat out for a long time to make it fair.Or at least acknowledge the sacrifice I offer for the betterment of the guild. But they didn't in either case, again. It's been a long standing problem lately. And it was the final straw for me so I had my tantrum.

I recognize this is just plain silly and I own that. But knowing something logically and FEELING something are not existential.

Last night, after losing out on such an incredible event (again) for being the bigger person I had my tantrum. I wanted to throw blocks at the wall and scream. I wanted to yell and hurt feelings because I hurt too. I wanted to rage. I wanted to quit. I got offline and seethed, yelled, and had my fit. And J rocked. He let me tantrum without telling me I was being childish or immature. He never once mocked me for losing control of my feelings. In fact he validated them, and it made me feel better. It allowed me to feel my emotions and then let go, instead of having to defend them. Just as we parents will calmly hold our children when they tantrum, and let them know we understand. We validate their feelings. Their feelings aren't wrong, or bad. They just are. They are a part of us that need to be recognized once in awhile. Because if we ignore those feelings, if we ignore the urge to tantrum once in awhile, it bottles up and will need an out eventually. Bottled up tantrums are scary for everyone involved.

Maybe we should take a page from our kids book, and allow ourselves to tantrum more. Have you ever noticed how they can bounce right back after a good scream and let go? We adults have a very hard time with that. Most of us hold on to our emotions for days.

If only we adults stopped trying to "grow up" and put tantrums behind us, we could maybe achieve that feeling of validation and contentment more often for ourselves.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/or follow her on Facebook

Housework Horros

2012-03-02 16:51:31

I think we can all agree that housework sucks. In general, it's one of those things that you HAVE to do, but really, all you want to do is cuddle up on the couch with a glass of Brandy and read a good book. But alas, at least once in awhile you have to suck it up and try to complete a chore or two.

But doing housework for a family of 5 is something that should be in its own category. It is not the housework most people recognize. You would think that a family of 5 would create 5 times more housework but you would be dead wrong. Without exagerating, it's more like 20 times the amount. And when you add in little boys who are learning to use the toilet (or still learning how to aim correctly) it's a whole 'nother ball game.

I wrote awhile ago about doing laundry for 5. Today, after a few close encounters of hit and run activity while I tidied up the house, I thought I'd add more to that lament.

*Vacuuming*

Try and imagine yourself in the middle of a battlefield. Instead of landmines you deal with Lego pieces. Of course, you bribed your kids to clean up before you start, and when that didn't work, you threatened to suck up every toy on the floor with your giant vaccum. But still, you're going to find a Lego piece or 5 forgotten in the haste to clear off the floor so that Mom doesn't trash a beloved stuffie. Trust me.

Next, imagine one kid has a sensitivity to loud sounds. This is a kid who freaks out sobbing at the thought of fireworks, and constantly asks me to turn down the volume of -42 because it's too loud. This is the same kid who screeches to me when his younger brother is playing with one of is toys every 5 minutes. I don't get it either. But anytime the vaccum gts pulled out he races to the couch in utter fear.

Add in another kid who used to be afraid of the vaccum, but now realizes that it's it the coolest freaking game ever. He races to the toy box and throws everything out (that he just finished picking up) to find his toy sword. And the moment that vaccum goes he charges, sword thrust out in front of him, ready to slay the vaccum. Then he runs away, tripping on the cord, only to circle around and try again.

NOW add in the freaked out kid who sees his brother having a ball, and decides to join in. He races off to the toy box, hauling out more toys, to find his sword, and the game is on. All I want is to vaccum my "almost white" carpets in peace. And maybe to be able to see said carpets for at least 15 minutes. But nope, by the time I give up, the floor is covered in toys, the boys have tripped over the wire at least three times each, and I can't even tell that I had a clean room a mere 5 minutes ago.

/sigh

*Dishes*

Aside from laundry, dishes are the bane of my existance. I hated doing them so much that my dear, dear husband has kindly taken over the majority of that chore. Still, even knowing I am not doing the lions share of dishes they still suck.

We have a smallish dishwasher and it doesnt matter ow frugal you are with cups and dishes over the day, it will fill up at least three times. I tried for the longest time to give each boy one cup to use per day, hoping that it would cut down on dishwashing. it didn't. Somehow those b******* multiply faster than rabbits.

I have now convinced myself that it is cheaper to buy paper plates and plastic cups at BJ's and use those for breakfast and lunch, than to pay the water bill for the ungodly amount of dishes (and laundry) we have to clean for a family of 5. But now I'm running out of silverware each day. Maybe I should add plastic forks to the next shopping list....

*Bathrooms*

Really, this one doesn't need much clarification. I live in a household with four males, three of which are young. All I have to say is, none of my children will ever be the winner of any type of accuracy contest, like archery. Ever. Did I mention we have four bathrooms? Yeah.

I can't be the only one with household horror stories. Let's hear yours!

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Schooled Out

2012-02-28 09:00:00

Yesterday I went to Xavier's school three times. By the end of the night I was starting to feel like I should have bought a backpack and a bagged meal with me.

The first time was for a meeting. I met up with Xavier's teachers to discuss his focusing problems. His main issue is that he won't stop talking about his "flavor of the month" during any transition period. This month it's Minecraft. I asked what the teacher did when this happened and I swear, she blushed and looked down, saying she feels bad but she will ask him to stop. I did not roll my eyes, realizing that she may have met a parent or two who would freak out and yell "YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO MY BABY!!!!" I gave her permission to tell that to my baby as many dang times as she needed to. I told her what I did during homework: if he starts talking about anything nonhomework related it sounds like this:

Me: "is it about homework?"

Xavier:"....um no...?"

Me: "Then I don't want to hear about it until your homework is done."

5 minutes later......

Me: "Is it about homework?"

Xavier:(sighs) "No."

Me: Then get back to homework and tell me when you're done."

The teacher looked both grateful and hopeful after I told her I was totally ok with her doing this in class, and to also let him know that non class related subjects were not to be talked about unless it was during free time, lunch or recess. We also got his homework cut down. Everyone 'round the table agreed 2-3 hours of math was ridiculous. While I know Xavier will be happy I have to say I am beyond excited to know my weeknights will stop consisting of hours of long division. I did that crap when I was his age. I don't want to do it again.

The second reason was to pick Xavier up from school early. I was called by the school nurse to come pick him up. While he didn't have a fever, she said he looked pale. We ALL look pale! My nickname as a kid was Snow White, and while I may have moved down to a sunnier climate, I can still blend in with paper. But I went to pick him up, and he spent the rest of the day lying down reading or watching movies.

Finally, I had a special education session in the evening. I was asked to be a guest speaker for parents with children with ADHD, and to tell Xavier's story. It was a great experience to meet other parents in similar situations, and to watch peoples eyes light up as I spoke about what we all go through as a family, to see that realization that they weren't the only ones who had seriously crappy mornings before the medication kicked in.

Yesterday reminded me how much I appreciate being an adult and parent. I am so glad I don't have to go to school anymore like the kids do. And I loved the fact that, as an adult, I could (and did) banter with the teachers about it being 5pm somewhere. If I tried that when I was younger, it might have gone on my school record

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

FOCUS!

2012-02-24 09:00:00

Murphy's Law can bite me. I had just hit the publish button for my "Morning Miracles" blog when I received an email from Xavier's teacher requesting a meeting. It seems that he is having difficulty in paying attention in class. We set up a meeting for the 19th, and I emailed Xavier's Special Education teacher, asking if she could please join us, to which she agreed to.

That afternoon when I picked Xavier up from school, I mentioned the email, and asked him if there were any areas he was having trouble concentrating on. "MATH" he yelled from the backseat. So I told him that we were going to sit down that day together, and I would not leave his side while he did his math homework. I would be there to answer any questions and help him. I would not DO it for him though.

So we got home, and going through the mountain of paperwork that always arrives on a Monday afternoon, I saw one possible issue that could cause focus issues in class. Xavier is starting to learn long division. And the teacher is showing the kids multiple ways on how to do it. Now. For a normal kid, this would probably work just fine. But for a kid with severe ADHD, the more possible ways to do something, the more confusing it can be. It clicked why he was having issues. And frankly. reading the explanation the teacher sent home made my own ADD kick into high gear. I couldn't follow it at all.

So I sat down and showed Xavier how to do division the way *I* do it. And after a lot of questions, it seemed to click. So we grabbed some paper and pencils, and sat down to get to work.

This kid focused his butt off. I will give major props to him after this day of homework. He didn't lose track, he didn't get up a lot. He sat there with me by his side, and worked hard. Even knowing this, it took him 3 hours to finish 1 1/2 pages of homework. 3 flipping hours with the both of us sitting there, working on long division. He never lost focus. I, on the other hand, started daydreaming about alcohol around the 45 minute mark.

By 7:30 I had had enough. Even though we didn't get to any of the other homework, I sent Xavier off to play for the last hour before bed. I wrote a note to the teacher, explaining the situation and letting her know I was totally ok with him not finishing his homework that night. She wrote back the next day to let me know she agreed and was cool with it as well.

The following day I called my friend S, both to crow about Xavier's ability to sit and focus, but to also bent about three hours of long division. She gave me a great idea on how to make it easier. You flip the paper sideways so that each number has it's own column and it's easier to see. I tried it that afternoon. With the combined efforts of having it starting to really click for him, and the sideways paper, we cut it down to 45 minutes.

Xavier has an IEP that allows for his homework to be scaled down if needed. We haven't used that yet, but I think I'm going to bring that up at the teacher meeting. While I want Xavier to succeed, I also want him to have time to play too. I'll update after the meeting

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Morning Miracles

2012-02-21 09:00:00

DEEP AND SAPPY BLOG AHEAD!

Throughout the past several months while I haven't been blogging, we've been working hard to help Xavier with his ADHD issues. We had a point where we had to call the Dr and say "you know what? We think something else may be going on. The meds aren't working, and he's sometimes acting like Curious George on crack."

We were referred to a psychiatrist who thought that it might be possible that Xavier may have Bi-Polar, but it wasn't concrete enough to give an official diagnosis. it does run in the family. After talking to family members so I had enough information to hand over to doctors while we tried to figure things out, I found out my paternal grandmother was Bi-Polar. I knew she had been in a mental hospital at one point in time, but never knew the official diagnosis.

That said, we're still working with severe ADHD, and if things start to change again, we will revisit it, as suggested by the Dr. He is too young right now, and too low on the spectrum for it to be diagnosed anyways. We (combined minds of several doctors and parents) think that his Curious George Mentality happened when he outgrew his medication. So over the past few months we have been trying to find the right medication, and the perfect dose.

Yay that we finally found it! It took awhile and we had some rocky moments, both in school and at home. But the special education resources at his school are amazing, and I have developed a bond with his special education teacher. We're actually now working together with other parents to create informational sessions for new parents with children with special needs. Its amazing how much help it can be to know you are not alone when you have a child who is not "typical."

But still, the mornings and evenings can be tough, even with the right meds. Before meds kick in, Xavier is likely to bounce all over the place, unable to focus for more then three seconds on one thing. He bothers his brothers by getting in their space, which causes epic tantrums from all three (add four if you want to include J who deals with the kids in the morning.) And at night when the meds have worn off, he's all over the place again.

Until two weeks ago, when, one morning, Xavier woke up at 6:15, an hour earlier than his brothers. J gave him his booster meds with breakfast, and without anyone around for him to bother, Xavier was quietly able to get his school stuff ready, and had plenty of time to play before we had to leave for carpool. By the time the two younger boys woke up, he was engrossed in his own thing and didn't bother them while they had breakfast. It was a huge change. Normally I wake up to everyone yelling or screeching, and J losing his patience. This time I woke up to happy smiling faces.

It was such a profound difference that J decided to try it each morning. Xavier got a Lego alarm clock for Christmas, and we set the alarm for 6:15. J sets his for the same time, and each morning, they quietly walk downstairs together, have breakfast, get things ready for school, then Xavier goes off to play quietly.

And every morning, EVERY morning, it has been...peaceful. It's odd and wondrous at the same time. At one point you want to smack yourself upside the head and wonder why you didn't think of trying this before? Could it truly be that if we had tried this years ago, we would have had a more peaceful morning?

Not only are the mornings great, but because he gets his booster early in the morning, Xavier can take his real medication a little later in the morning, which allows it to last longer through the day. Which means that he can focus better on his homework, and he is calmer, and more able to socialize with the family without anyone going crazy!!! It's a freaking miracle!!! I finally have this kid, whom I adore but could never really have a conversation with him without him being silly or losing focus, BUT NOW I CAN!!!! I can sit with him, and we can talk, and we can listen, and we can joke together, and it's not hard!!! It's amazing! And I can see it in him too, that he is loving this new found ability to really join in on family stuff without losing his ability to control his impulses. He can play with his brothers without ticking them off. He's become this big hero to Soren, who now follows him around like a puppy. Soren will do anything to make his big brother laugh. And where once Ashe and Xavier were always playing a metaphorical tug-o-war, the bickering is so much less and they are really beginning to create a bond of friendship.

Xavier has always had a hard road to walk. Even with parents who would do anything for him, and friends, it's tough having to deal with stuff like this, things you would not wish on anyone. And the sad aspect is that most likely, he will always have to deal with ADHD and how it will affect his life. It will affect everything: work, home, social, love.... Things we take for granted on a daily basis are a hundred times more difficult for him, even with medication and a lot of support.

BUT... I gaze in wonder at my oldest son lately, my husband the genius who put two and two together, and my happy family, where the quarrels are almost nonexistent now ( ok well, lets say normal for a family of five...) and I am filled with such gratitude and hope. Hope that no matter what we go through, we go through it together, and as a team, there may always be new things to find to help our son on this path called life.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Sorenese

2012-02-18 09:00:00

Soren is now two and a half and still can't talk. Strike that, he won't talk, at least not in English. He does talk non stop, and he's quite understandable if you speak HIS language. He has an amazing language all his own, which family and friends alike have dubbed Sorenese. Most people who don't know Soren very well believe the he must have some issues, some impairment the does not allow him to use the English vocabulary. Those who do know him well laugh their butt off at this suggestion, knowing very well that he could if he wanted to. The key phrase here is if he wanted to. And he has made it abundantly clear that he does not. Despite concentrated efforts in trying to get him to use real words like cat or dog, he uses equally concerted efforts to teach everyone else the Sorenese version of these words.

Our Pediatrician suggested that we have CDSA come out and evaluate him, just in case there was something going on. Having had a child who needed speech therapy, (Ashe, for Apraxia) comparing the two kids I honestly didn't think Soren had an issue. I think it was just my genetic stubborn trait shining through. But after discussing with J a time table in which Soren learned to talk, and passing that time table with no results in English, we decided to call them and see what they said.

As fate always decrees, the moment you make a call like that, things start to ramp up. I had recently gotten Soren potty trained using M&M'ss as a reward. He was fully trained in two weeks. One day I got the idea to see if his favorite candy would also prevail in getting him to talk. If I was right, and he was just being stubborn, it should be easy. If he couldn't learn new words with the carrot on a stick attempt, then I knew we had a problem, and calling CDSA was the right decision.

Yeah. In one week I got him to spell SUPER MARIO, say I love you, please, and thank you. BLESS you M&M's! ( I now keep a giant stash on hand in case the boys need a good ~~bribe~~ reward).

CDSA still came over and they brought a speech pathologist to test him. In order to be considered for the program he had to fail certain tests. He didn't. In fact, he aced them with flying colors. The only issue was verbal expression and even that did not score low enough. The speech pathologist did mention that it was very uncommon for non twin children to develop their own language, and he was convinced that Soren was unique in this aspect. I told him about my M&M trick and he felt that while he could do well with speech therapy, M&M's would work well too.

It was nice to know we're not dooming our child, and that he really can talk if he wanted to, but chooses to have his own enriched language. I also know that when he starts to really talk, there will be plenty of times I will wish he would just hush up for a bit. So I'm not going to push his language. I'll offer him treats once in awhile, but I'm pretty sure that by the time he hits kindergarten this will all be forgotten.

Either that or he will start teaching his classmates and teacher a new language. And that's not all that bad, to be considered bilingual at age 5 ;)

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Grossed Out

2012-02-16 09:00:00

I have three boys. And when you have three boys it takes a lot to gross you out. Puke? No problem. Poop smears? Small potatoes. Green boogers dripping out of noses? Bring it. Watching your kids lick the boogers off their faces... ok I admit that one makes me shudder.

But I just recently encountered one thing that still makes me cringe when I mentally replay the scenario and how I almost lost my tough mom pin.

Soren has reached the independence stage in his life. He must do everything on his own with no help. He doesn't care if we have plans to meet friends at the park and it takes him 45 minutes to take off his shirt for a new one. Dammit he will make you wait while he does it himself, thankyouverymuch. And often times I just hang out on the sidelines, allowing him to earn pride when he does something on his own.

Today he decided that he and he alone would be responsible for wiping up after going potty. I insisted that while he could try, I was putting down my foot and would wipe last just in case. He considered this for a moment and nodded. Post poop, he grabbed a wipe and did a very good job in cleaning himself up. Didn't gross me out. But then he did the most unthinkable thing ever..... he started bringing that nasty wipe up towards his face to wipe his nose.

At that moment time slowed down to a crawl and I lunged toward him, WATCHING that wipe rise higher and higher. I heard this loud NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that sounded oddly like Darth Vader. In the back of my mind I realized it must be me denying the vision I was seeing in front of me.

My hand darted out slowly, oh so freaking slow and I reached, REACHED to grab that offending wipe before it could connect to my sons face. He glanced up startled, and that one moment of pause brought time speeding up to normal and I grabbed the wipe and tossed it in the toilet!

We both stood there staring at one another for a moment, he perplexed, I panting while trying to hold the contents of my stomach in. Then he tilted his head to the side considering what had just happened,shrugged andturned to get a clean wipe for his nose.

Ewww! Just... EWWW!!!

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

Glasses for One

2012-02-14 09:00:00

Both J and I are blind as a bat. We need either contacts or glasses to see clearly on a daily basis. So we knew the chances that one or all three of our children would need glasses at some point in their life was inevitable. What we did not expect was that one of our children would need them now

Ashe has always been clumsy. He falls down so often that we call his accidents Asheidents. It's a common term in our household. However we always assumed that he had gained his clumsiness from his father, who also has a bad sense of balance.

When I ask him to find things Ashe always has a hard time. He could be looking right at the object in question and still not see it. However I also have a tendency to do this. Even with my contacts I tend to not be able to see things right under my nose. J constantly mocks me for this. So I always put Ashes inability to see things as part of my genetic traits.

He has had both of these issues ever since I can remember. It was such a common thing that I never gave it much notice. But then Ashe had his 5 year check up to get ready for kindergarten and we realized that there was an issue when Ashe failed his vision test.

His left eye seemed to see clearly but his right eye failed miserably. The pediatricians office used one of those giant posters that has lots of different shapes and numbers on it. The top picture was of a giant ship. Standing 30 feet away Ashe could not tell me what it was. Despite multiple tries he could not figure it out. Our pediatrician referred us immediately to a pediatric eye specialist. I made the call that day and within three days we were at the office.

Since this with Ashes first time at the eye doctors he had to have is eyes dilated. Getting your eyes dilated as an adult sucks. Having to watch your 5 year old get his eyes dilated for the first time sucks times 10. The assistants were fantastic and helped as I held on to Ashe while they placed drops in his eyes. After we finished with the eye drops we had 30 minutes to wait for them to kick in. Ashe and I decided to go to the craft store next door look around and grab some snacks.

After the examination was complete we realized how bad Ashes eye really was. Perfect eyesight is 20/20. Ash is right eye was 20/150. His right eye is worse than my eyes and J's eyes. Glasses were a must. Fortunately Ashe thinks that glasses rocks since his dad wears them and insisted on finding a pair just like J's. In fact as we searched the racks for the perfect pair of glasses Ashe decided on a pair that was the same color as his dads. The only difference is that Ashes glasses are Sponge Bob Square Pants. Unfortunately they did not make Sponge Bob Aquare Pants glasses for adults.

So in a week or two Ashe will start wearing glasses everyday. He was pretty miffed that he couldn't walk out of the eye doctor store with his brand new glasses. He's been bouncing around in excited anticipation ever since. While I feel bad that one of my children has to wear glasses at such an early age I have to say I'm both proud and happy that he is so excited for this. And maybe I'm being biased since I am his mom but dang did he look cute in them. He reminded me of a human Theodore chipmunk. I'll post photos of him once the glasses come in. Knowing how much of a ham he is I'm sure he'll love posing for that.

***Update***

I promised an update once we got Ashe his new glasses, so here it is. Ashe has now had his glasses for a week and he is in loooooooooove with them. I posted a photo on FB while we were at the Eye Doctor, picking them up. To all of you who left a comment, THANK YOU! he got the biggest kick out of all of your praise, and I don't doubt that it helped cement his love for his new look.

So without further ado, here is Master Ashe with his new Sponge Bob Squarepants glasses:

We did have to go get them adjusted a little bit this past Monday. Unfortunately they kept sliding down his nose. But within ten minutes they were able to adjust them accordingly and they fit him perfectly. So far this week, there have been no Asheidents to report.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook.

Wine Bottle Battle of 2012

2012-02-11 09:00:00

I love me a glass of wine. Or three. I'm a huge red wine fan and if you come to my house you'll normally see about 4 bottles of red hanging out on my kitchen counter, waiting to be delved into and appreciated once the kids go to bed.

My friend K knows this, and sweetheart that she is, she bought J and I a bottle of red for the holidays. The other night I decided to pop it open after a long day and relax with a glass of red and a good book. I grabbed our trusty cork screw, which had uncorked countless bottles over the years, and started the process.

I didn't know it at the time, but the cork was not actual cork. It was some kind of weird rubber material. And it beat up my cork screw. When I say beat up, what I really mean to say is that it dragged my poor tool into a dark alley corner and beat the snot out of it until it was in 4 pieces. Literally

The first handle snapped off when I tried, and it resulted in me bashing my knuckles hard on the counter. J came over to make sure I was alright, then took over. I told him I didn't need wine *that* badly. I could always grab some brandy or Vodka, but he wouldn't hear of it. "I will get this wine for you!" he declared, and went to battle.

And a battle it was, of epic proportions.

The second handle snapped when he made his first attempt. Then the screw itself snapped off when he tried to pull it out. That's when he pulled out the full armory: knives of assorted shapes and sizes, screw drivers, meat thermometer (ok that one was my idea), and the tool box. I jokingly asked if he wanted to try the electric drill. Deadpan, he told me he had already thought of it.

The situation was just so funny, I started posting regular updates on FB, along with snapshots of the battle. Towards the end, I had to record the final moments, and post it on youtube to share, because it was just so dang funny (and horribly romantic) to see the lengths J would go to so I could have a glass of wine. This people, is true love. Skip flowers and jewels. When your husband pulls out the tool box in order to ensure his wife has alcohol, you know you found your soul mate.

Here is the video:

Three bent knives, one broken thermometer, a sliced knuckle, and 30 minutes later, J finally won as the cork gave up from the brutal torture it endured. After tending to wounds, burying the casualties (I had to trash my meat thermometer and knives), and cleaning up the battlefield, J and I sat down with two giant glasses of red, and celebrated the victory with a toast. While it didn't turn out to be the relaxing evening of wine and book that I had originally envisioned, it was a fantastic night of humor, to see how far one would go for love.... and alcohol ;)

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook

PSA: Sick Non Parental Units

2012-02-07 09:00:00

This PSA goes out to all of you non Parental units:

In general, being sick sucks. Your nose is stuffy, you get headaches, aches and pains. All you want to do is lie in your bed wishing the day would just go away. If it's bad enough you even call in sick to work.

BUT... When you become a parental unit there is NO SUCH THING as calling in sick. Ever. There is no ability to go hide yourself under the covers and just wait for the day to go by. Nope, instead you gotta crawl out of those covers, get dressed, make breakfast for the kids, make sure the homework is in the folder, get in the car, drive to school, come home, and take care of the other kids who are not school age.

I reiterate there is no such thing as a day off when your parent.

I was fortunate enough to get sick when my kids were at the grand parents for the weekend. And you know what? It was freaking heaven! No joke. I just had the best sick day I've ever had since my 9 year old boy was born. I lavished in the ability to crawl back under the covers when I wanted to. I could sit on the couch in my pj's all day long and watch tv while I sipped my tea. I could nap whenever I wanted to without having to worry about the house being destroyed. I had no kids clamoring for attention, no one whining for a snack. No fight to break up, no clashes to referee. It was just me, my drugs, my pj's, and my tea.

I have decided that all of you non parental units are absolutely never ever ever allowed to whine complain when you're sick. You have no idea how easy you have it. I wish I could send my kids to my mom's house whenever I'm sick but that's not an option. This time was a fluke. And it was wonderful.

But if I ever hear any of you non parental units whining when you're sick, even if I love you, just understand I'm going to pull out the tiniest violin. Because seriously you have no idea how good you've got it. Embrace your sick days, and raise your teacup in honor of us who don't get a chance to crawl back under the covers.

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on FB

Domesticating SRM Round 1: Cookies

2012-02-03 09:00:00

Growing up I never learned the every day stuff of keeping house. My mom didn't cook, didn't bake, etc. I grew up on McDonald's drive thru and thinking that steak had to be cooked to almost burnt before it was done. I wasn't taught laundry skills. To this day I still shove loads of clothes into my washer willy nilly, slap a bunch of detergent in there, and sit on the lid to make sure it stays down. I never had home ec class, to teach me how to sew, or balance checkbooks, or anything life skill-esque. And I NEVER learned how to bake cookies. Cookies from scratch in my language means grabbing the precut Tollhouse Cookie dough, warming up the oven and tossing it in.

My friend S, on the other hand, is what I would call a domestic goddess. When I go over to her house, she is constantly puttering around in her kitchen making goodies from scratch. I fell in love with her all over again the day she made me home made strawberry scones. Usually I go to her house since her idea of clean is not mine. She likes to iron her curtains. I don't have curtains to begin with. I used to tell her she wasn't allowed over my house, but I've rescinded that decree as I love to watch her eyes gaze around my living area, and see what project she will offer to do for me. I haven't taken her up on any of them, but I love hearing what she will come up with next.

In the next few days I will be retiring from a volunteer management position at a moms support group. I've been managing promotions there for two years and it eats away at a lot of my free time. Knowing that I am nearing the end, I got this crazy idea that I need to learn something new. And thinking of S I decided I wanted her to teach me how to bake from scratch. I don't know what drugs I was on when I came up with this crazy idea. But there has always been a part of me that has wanted to learn domestic stuff that many people take for granted. So many of the moms in this area bake cookies. I wanted to bake cookies too dangit! So I asked her and our mutual friend, S* (another cookie baker) to come over and let our kids destroy the house while they taught me how to bake.

I thought it would be a simple thing. You get flour, you get sugar, salt, butter, etc. Scoop the ingredients, mix them together, toss in the oven and voila! 30 minutes later home made cookies.

Holy hell was I totally off base!

S brought over her Ipad with a "Simple" sugar cookie recipe. She thinks simple. I think you need a degree in rocket science in order to understand it! But they were the teachers, I the student, and so we started off.

The first thing I apparently did wrong was that I didn't read through the recipe ALL THE WAY before starting to get out the ingredients. S* asked if, when I put something together, like a book case, don't I read through the instructions first then go to square one? I said hell no! J usually puts those together, and when we do it as a team, we go step by step. I found out that was the wrong answer.

After reading the recipe ALL THE WAY through (and reading it aloud so they both knew I had, and to lovingly tick them off) I made my next mistake. When I went to get the flour, I scooped into the flour bag with my measuring cup. I kid you not, S* had a look of complete horror on her face and S had to walk away from the kitchen. I noticed her consumption of coffee started ticking up by that point. She did refuse a shot of vodka to calm her nerves, but I think it was a near thing.

I learned you need to FLUFF flour, when you measure it. Not like you fluff a pillow (as I mentally thought of beating the flour bag as I do my pillow at night). No, you have to scoop little spoonfuls and shake it into the measuring cup. Because if you don't FLUFF your flour your cookies will taste like poo.

I learned you don't FLUFF your sugar or salt, but you do MASH your butter. Oh and I got reamed out for not having unsalted butter. We don't use real butter most of the time. We use margarine. I thought my two friends were going to die right there and then when they realized I didn't own any REAL butter. I mentally made sure I knew where my cell phone was in case I had to call 911 for a heart attack.

Then I learned I need to buy parchment paper. Because parchment paper ensures that whatever it is you're cooking wont stick to the pan. Between you and me, I don't even know what the heck parchment paper is. I toyed with the idea of asking if they wanted to use college lined paper instead of the tinfoil I had, but I was scared that by this time in my lessons, S was going to come after me with the new rolling pin I bought, if I made anymore sarcastic comments.

The cookies came out decent, if I say so myself. They're edible. They didn't poison anyone. And the kids asked for seconds. I did notice that neither S nor S* tried one. Hmmmm.

Next week we're going to make Turtle cookies, yay!!!!

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on FB

Crafting with SRM... You Can Stop Laughing Now

2012-01-31 12:53:33

A while ago, after being cooped up indoors and bored out of my mind, and after listening to Ashe whine about how little energy he had, I decided to do something stupid: I decided to try a craft with the kids.

Why is it stupid? For two reasons: Number one it doesn’t matter how frikking cool the craft is or how excited the kids are, somewhere between the suggestion of crafts to a finished product, the kids lose interest, leaving me alone to finish the damn thing. It’s usually right after I hear CA-CHING of the cash register after I have handed over my debit card. It’s like they have this internal radar that lets them know Mommy spent $40 so let’s ditch her and commandeer the Wii remote yeah!!!!

Number two, I suck at crafts. No really. I have these great IDEAS for crafts and I get into crafty moods. I’m a creative person. But for the most part when it comes to ideas on kids crafts I fail epically.

So with that out on the table, as I listened to Ashe whine more and more, I scrambled for a craft idea that would keep us all entertained and was something unoriginal because it was 10:30 in the morning and originality is NOT going to happen with only one cup of coffee in my system. Somehow my very tired, overworked brain decided to hook onto a project I did in school when I was little. I couldn’t think of anything else. It was making a stuffed dinosaur. I figured, hey my boys like dinosaurs, I have a furry boy, it will take all day…. Let’s do it!

If I EVER mention to you I am thinking of crafts before 11:30 in the morning, smack me upside the head and I’ll be grateful.

We head to the fabric store, pick out cheap soft fabric (purple for Ashe, blue for Soren), find a glue gun, and head home.

The boys are hungry. I get them lunch. They want to stuff the stuffed animals NOW! I explain I still have to find a pattern, outline it, cut it out and glue/sew it shut. Not good enough for them so they go and start opening the fluff I bought and throw it around the kitchen while I’m downstairs frantically searching for T Rex patterns (Ashe insisted on T Rex instead of the Brontosaurus I know how to do). I come upstairs with a print in hand to find my kitchen snowy white.

After cleaning up the mess I sit down to stencil out the pattern while Ashe continually asks when he can stuff his T Rex. Giving up with an eye roll he leaves the table to go play Wii while I start cutting out the pattern. Soren tries to help me with the glue gun so I accidentally glue a leg shut and the fabric to the table as I try desperately to keep the VERY hot instrument out of his reach.

Finally we’re ready to stuff T Rex One. Ashe and Soren come over and start shoving fluff up the dinosaur’s ummm... tail and then, like clockwork, they get bored and wander off. I’m left alone to anally probe the fabric blob in my hand. Once he’s stuff to the gills I glue him shut and look at him and realize….

OH NO NO NO!!!! I INADVERTENTLY MADE BARNEY THE DINOSAUR MY NEMESIS!!!!!

Crapcrapcrapcrap! Sigh. On to #2

THIS time I decided not to screw with a potentially ER-inducing implement like a glue gun and go old skool with thread and needle. While I start from scratch, Ashe is cuddling with his new stuffed animal and wants to know why I made him blind, mute and with no nose? Can I add those on? I explain I will after I get Soren's stuffed since Ashe was being beaten by Soren trying to take his dinosaur away and roaring in his face. Sewing worked better despite the fact it took a little longer. I can’t even remember the last time I sewed (and I don’t have a sewing machine so it was all manual labor). By the time I was done sewing, stuffing, and sewing Soren’s dinosaur I was racing against the clock to get Zavi from school. Fortunately I finished in time to sew on an eye, nose, and smiley face to Barney in order to stop the whining about a malformed stuffed animal.

Never again, I said. Next time the kids want to do a frikkin craft I am going to give them markers, a wet washcloth and their tummies and tell them to draw faces on their chests or something. But no more glue guns, no more needles, no more Barneys. Nope, I’m through, I said to myself as I picked up Xavier. Until he saw the dinosaurs and with puppy eyes asked if I would be kind enough to make him a Pokémon stuffed animal this week since he missed out.

I said yes. *Grumble Grumble*

For more amusing anecdotes from SRM, check out her blog at http://suburbanrebelmom.blogspot.com/ or follow her on Facebook