When Parents and Grandparents Disagree


Published:

Shutterstock photo

While some family ways and traditions are passed down over many generations, there are often differences in parenting styles, expectations and techniques from one generation to the next. There are multiple — and sometimes complex — issues at play in the dynamics between grandparents, parents and children, including the grandparents’ shift in role from parent to grandparent, and the parents’ shift in role from son or daughter to parent advocating for his or her own child. How important is it that there is consistency across multiple settings? Do parents and grandparents need to have the same rules and expectations?

Different People, Different Settings, Different Rules

It is not uncommon for parents and grandparents to disagree on disciplinary topics such as setting limits and expectations of manners. Some parents say grandparents are too lenient and let too much slide, while others feel they are too strict, unforgiving and demanding of conformity. Does this matter?

A Sense of Safety

As a general rule, children in any setting, whether they are at home, at a relative’s house or at school, need to have a feeling of safety — not only in the sense of physical safety, but also that those who are caring for them have their best interests at heart. Does the child feel safe when she is in Grandma’s care, even though Grandma makes her say “please” and “thank you”? Can a child comfortably adapt to Grandpa raising his voice when play becomes too rambunctious, even though yelling is something the child’s parents wish to avoid? If the relationships your child has with relatives are ones in which he or she feels safe and cared for, differences in how behaviors are handled will likely not hinder your child’s development. In fact, the differences will enrich your child’s development as he or she learns how to engage in all of these various types of relationships.

Adaptability to Various Settings

As children mature, they adapt and modify their behavior depending on the setting they are in. Running and throwing balls are acceptable activities in the backyard or at the park, but not in the living room or kitchen.

When children begin school, they learn that expectations at school are different from those at home. Children rarely have to be told, for example, that they don’t have to raise their hand to talk at the dinner table. Considering the development of adaptability as an important task of childhood, setting different expectations at a grandparent’s house provides yet another opportunity for children to adapt to various environments.

Differences in Understanding a Child’s Needs

There are times when a parents need to advocate for children who are having difficulty in adapting to different settings. For example, a child may have emotional or biological sensitivities to specific foods or around certain routines and behaviors, and tactics used by grandparents may not be helpful in working through the emotional interferences. Tactics such as shaming or coercing may cause so much distress for the child, he or she could feel unsafe.

When a Child Has Difficulty Adapting

Some parents may find that their child is having trouble with adaptability, and instead of the child adapting to the setting, environmental modifications and adjustments are needed in order to ensure the child’s sense of safety and ability to be successful. When parents feel that they are  micromanaging the school and care environments in order to maintain stability for their child, a higher level of support and intervention may be needed. The guidance of a mental health professional may be helpful in determining the underlying causes of the difficulties.


The Lucy Daniels Center is a nonprofit agency in Cary that promotes the emotional health and well-being of children and families. Visit lucydanielscenter.org to learn more.

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Related Content

Free and Low-Cost Bowling Deals

For cool, frugal fun when temperatures soar outside or on a rainy summer day, you can't beat bowling.

Fun Things to Do With the Kids June 17-20

Enjoy a free group tennis lesson, a galactic ice cream social, lunch with Poe and playtime in the park.

Father's Day Deals and Events for Dads in the Triangle

Score big savings and free food for Dad this weekend.
Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Calendar

June 2019

Discover the joys of fishing at Bass Pro Shops with free fishing seminars, kids crafts and more. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Cabela's
201 Cabela Dr.
Garner, NC  27529
View map »


Contact Name: Tammy Fonda-Quann
Website »

More information

Discover the joys of fishing at Bass Pro Shops with free fishing seminars, kids crafts and more. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Bass Pro Shops
801 Bass Pro Ln.
Cary, NC  27513
View map »


Telephone: 417-413-9368
Contact Name: Todd Foxx
Website »

More information

Kids Obstacle Challenge is an adventure and obstacle course race series for kids ages 5-16, with 13-15 fun and challenging obstacles and mud! Our mission is to inspire and challenge kids, and forge...

Cost: $36-$60

Where:
Sugg Farm
2401 Grigsby Ave.
Holly Springs, NC  27540
View map »


Website »

More information

Take part in a class that teaches individualized ways to foster motor development for your child. Learn about tummy time alternatives, best positions for your baby, how to help your child learn to...

Cost: 24.00

Where:
Open Arts
1222 Copeland Oaks Dr.
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Sponsor: Babies On The MOVE
Contact Name: Rebecca Quinones
Website »

More information

Join Mindful Families of Durham, a Buddhist-inspired spiritual community that supports area parents, caregivers, and their children in the practice of mindfulness and the understanding of the...

Cost: Free

Where:
Erwin Road
Durham, NC  27705
View map »


Sponsor: Mindful Families of Durham
Contact Name: Adam, Laura, Josh, Sumi
Website »

More information

Take a ride on the New Hope Valley Railway. With trains departing at 11 a.m., 12:30 p.m. and 2 p.m., Slow Down Sunday rides are best enjoyed with family and friends. At 12 miles-per-hour,...

Cost: $10/adults, $7/children (ages 2-12) and free for ages 2 and younger

Where:
New Hope Valley Railway
3900 Bonsal Rd.
Bonsal, NC  27562
View map »


Website »

More information

Take part in a class that teaches individualized ways to foster motor development for your child. Learn about carry positions, best positions for your baby, how to help your child learn to crawl,...

Cost: 24.00

Where:
Open Arts
1222 Copeland Oaks Dr.
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Sponsor: Babies On The MOVE
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Join author Marilyn Shannon for the launch of her third book, "In Just One Afternoon - Listening into the Hearts of Millennials."   This event will include a series of panel...

Cost: Free

Where:
American Institute of Healthcare & Fitness
8300 Health Park
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Website »

More information

Join Jenny Peacock, Collegewise director and counselor, as she shares everything parents and students need to know about standardized testing, including when to take standardized tests, the...

Cost: Free

Where:
East Regional Library
946 Steeple Square Court
Knightdale, NC  27545
View map »


Website »

More information

Discover Historic Yates Mill - a place of business, community, and exciting local history! Watch a brief slideshow, then explore the inner workings of the mill itself and witness the power of water...

Cost: $5/Adult, $4/Senior (ages 60+), $3/Child (ages 7-16), Free/Child (ages 6-under)

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Geocaching is a treasure hunt where participants use GPS coordinates to track down hidden "caches." Learn what geocaching is all about and head out to find a real geocache in the park! We will...

Cost: Free

Where:
Harris Lake County Park
2112 County Park Dr.
New Hill, NC  27562
View map »


Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Joanne St. Clair
Website »

More information

Enjoy free, live performances from the best artists from around the Triangle in front of Stone Theatre as well as kid-friendly activities. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Park West Village
Morrisville, NC  27560


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Sedimentary, metamorphic, and igneous rocks are everywhere! Come explore the rocks of Yates Mill through hands-on science. Test the physical and chemical components to discover the identity of...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Drop by the cybrary for storytime with a librarian. Activity Room 4. Preschool and kindergarten ages. No registration necessary. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Carrboro Cybrary
100 N Greensboro St
Carrboro, NC  27510
View map »


Sponsor: Orange County Public Library
Telephone: 919-918-7387
Contact Name: Cybrary
Website »

More information

Soil is magical and needed for everything we do. Using our magic soil bag, each child will participate in this fun magic trick and help us make soil from a rock. This is a fun program on a "dirty"...

Cost: Free

Where:
Harris Lake County Park
2112 County Park Dr.
New Hill, NC  27562
View map »


Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Joanne St. Clair
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Ages 11 and older with disabilities make a salad, pinwheel sandwiches and a refreshing dessert. Register online. Choose course #124745.

Cost: $19/resident, $24/nonresident

Where:
Herbert C. Young Community Center
101 Wilkinson Ave.
Cary, NC  27513
View map »


Website »

More information

Enjoy free, live performances from the best artists from around the Triangle in front of Stone Theatre as well as kid-friendly activities. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Park West Village
Morrisville, NC  27560


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 15.0px 'Times New Roman'; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 15.0px 'Times...

Cost: Free

Where:
East Regional Library
946 Steeple Square Court
Knightdale, NC  27545
View map »


Website »

More information

Enjoy free, live performances from the best artists from around the Triangle in front of Stone Theatre as well as kid-friendly activities. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Park West Village
Morrisville, NC  27560


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Preschoolers (ages 3-5 accompanied by an adult) enjoy stories, crafts and a hike to learn more about the baby mammals at the preserve this summer. We will focus on white-tailed deer and Virginia...

Cost: $5

Where:
Wilkerson Nature Preserve
5229 Awls Haven Drive
Raleigh, NC  27614
View map »


Sponsor: City of Raleigh Parks, Recreation and Cultural Resources
Telephone: 919/996-6764
Contact Name: Marti Kane
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

 Girls will get a tour of the labs, enjoy a short presentation on the research that occurs at NIEHS, and listen to a panel of young female scientists will share their stories. There will also...

Cost: Free

Where:
National Institute for Environmental Health Scienc
111 TW Alexander Drive
Durham, NC  27713
View map »


Sponsor: Young women in bio
Contact Name: Kaitlyn
Website »

More information

Enjoy tea time for the whole family. Samples of hot tea, cold tea, and kombucha will be provided, along with games and family fun.

Cost: Free

Where:
IngenuiTea Kombucha Coffee & Tea
514 E Williams St
APEX, NC  27502
View map »


Sponsor: IngenuiTea Brews
Telephone: 919-438-3684
Contact Name: Mark Poole
Website »

More information

Vacation Bible School is a FREE event at Trinity Baptist Church. All families are welcome! June 12-15, 2019. Wednesday - Friday 6-8pm and Saturday from 9-11:30am. Children can come enjoy...

Cost: Free

Where:
Trinity Baptist Church
4815 Six Forks Road
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: Trinity Baptist Church
Telephone: 919-787-3740
Contact Name: Katie Medlin
Website »

More information

Enjoy free, live performances from the best artists from around the Triangle in front of Stone Theatre as well as kid-friendly activities. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Park West Village
Morrisville, NC  27560


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Meet a staff member at the information desk and follow your guide outside to the garden exhibit or into one of the museum galleries. Look around and listen to a history-related story. Ages 3...

Cost: Free

Where:
N.C. Museum of History
5 E. Edenton St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Kids hike, make projects and engage in nature activities. Ages 5-8. Register online. Choose course #124692.

Cost: $9/resident, $12/nonresident

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC  27518
View map »


Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Summer is coming and we know that the best way to kick off the long warm days is with our second annual School’s Out Gelato Party! Students, parents — or anyone who just wants to...

Cost: Free to attend, $5 for gelato bar

Where:
La Vita Dolce Cafe
610 Market St.
Chapel Hill, NC  27516
View map »


Sponsor: La Vita Dolce
Telephone: 919-428-8302
Contact Name: Ann Johnston
Website »

More information

Enjoy glittering, glowing galaxies, cosmic space dough, galaxy jars, marshmallow constellations and more in an out-of-this-world experience. Grades 3-5.

Cost: Free

Where:
East Regional Library
946 Steeple Square Court
Knightdale, NC  27545
View map »


Website »

More information

Vacation Bible School is a FREE event at Trinity Baptist Church. All families are welcome! June 12-15, 2019. Wednesday - Friday 6-8pm and Saturday from 9-11:30am. Children can come enjoy...

Cost: Free

Where:
Trinity Baptist Church
4815 Six Forks Road
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: Trinity Baptist Church
Telephone: 919-787-3740
Contact Name: Katie Medlin
Website »

More information

Alexander Family YMCA‘s instructors lead a free yoga class in the Jackson-Thiem Pollinator Garden. Come enjoy the Gregg’s beautiful surroundings while you practice building serenity within!...

Cost: Free

Where:
GREGG MUSEUM OF ART & DESIGN
1903 Hillsborough Street
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: Gregg Museum of Art & Design
Telephone: 919-515-3503
Contact Name: Gregg Museum
Website »

More information

Enjoy free, live performances from the best artists from around the Triangle in front of Stone Theatre as well as kid-friendly activities. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Park West Village
Morrisville, NC  27560


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Take the fast track to nature in this hands-on study of ecology. Ages 8-12. Register online. Choose course #124970.

Cost: $9/resident, $12/nonresident

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Celebrate Flag Day by delving into the history and lore of the American flag at Historic Yates Mill, which has been around since before the American Revolution. Explore the more than 30 national...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Celebrate the start of a fantastic season of story times, book clubs, and special performances with live music, fun and games, and cool treats.

Cost: Free

Where:
Chapel Hill Public Library
100 Library Dr.
Chapel Hill, NC  27514
View map »


Website »

More information

Vacation Bible School is a FREE event at Trinity Baptist Church. All families are welcome! June 12-15, 2019. Wednesday - Friday 6-8pm and Saturday from 9-11:30am. Children can come enjoy...

Cost: Free

Where:
Trinity Baptist Church
4815 Six Forks Road
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: Trinity Baptist Church
Telephone: 919-787-3740
Contact Name: Katie Medlin
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

 Designed to raise money for several area charities, this free event will showcase vehicles of all makes and models, including muscle cars, sports cars, pony cars, classic and antique autos,...

Cost: Free

Where:
Downtown Wake Forest
South White Street
, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Discover the joys of fishing at Bass Pro Shops with free fishing seminars, kids crafts and more. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Bass Pro Shops
801 Bass Pro Ln.
Cary, NC  27513
View map »


Telephone: 417-413-9368
Contact Name: Todd Foxx
Website »

More information

Discover the joys of fishing at Bass Pro Shops with free fishing seminars, kids crafts and more. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Cabela's
201
Cabela Dr.
Garner, NC  27529
View map »


Telephone: 984-204-2200
Contact Name: Tammy Fonda-Quann

More information

It`s 1863 at Yates Mill, and the yard is alive with activity! Step back in time with our 19th-century costumed interpreters and watch the millstones at work grinding corn into meal.  Tour fee:...

Cost: $5/Adult, $4/Senior (ages 60+), $3/Child (ages 7-16), Free/Child (6 - under)

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Lake Crabtree is excited to host its seventh annual Pollinator Festival, in honor of National Pollinator Week, featuring games, crafts and other fun activities. Win prizes and cool stuff to...

Cost: Free

Where:
Lake Crabtree County Park
1400 Aviation Pkwy.
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Sponsor: Lake Crabtree County Park
Telephone: 919-460-3355
Contact Name: Carol Cunningham
Website »

More information

Celebrate the Town of Cary's inaugural Juneteenth event that features special activities designed to engage and educate families.

Cost: Free

Where:
Downtown Park
319 S. Academy St.
Cary, NC  27511
View map »


Website »

More information

Growga will take families on an imaginative journey around the world and practice fun movement and pretend play.

Cost: Free; donations accepted

Where:
American Tobacco Campus
Blackwell St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Preschoolers (ages 3-5 accompanied by an adult) enjoy stories, crafts and a hike to learn more about the baby mammals at the preserve this summer.  We will focus on white-tailed deer and Virginia...

Cost: $5

Where:
Wilkerson Nature Preserve
5229 Awls Haven Drive
Raleigh, NC  27614
View map »


Sponsor: City of Raleigh Parks, Recreation and Cultural Resources
Telephone: 919-996-6764
Contact Name: Marti Kane
Website »

More information

Ages 3-5 create a simple art project based on a story. Register online. Choose course #124427. 

Cost: $14/resident, $18/nonresident

Where:
Cary Arts Center
101 Dry Ave.
Cary, NC  27513
View map »


Website »

More information

Growga will take families on an imaginative journey around the world and practice fun movement and pretend play.

Cost: Free; donations accepted

Where:
American Tobacco Campus
Blackwell St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Let the Sunshine In with Sun Catchers! Catch those summer rays with your very own sun catcher! Art instructor Gretchen Phillips will show you how to create a rainbow colored design using tissue...

Cost: $15/$10 for members

Where:
Artspace
201 E. Davie St
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Telephone: 919-821-2787
Website »

More information

Take part in a quilting event that offers an opportunity for quilters to mix and mingle, and for non-quilters to learn. Enjoy displays and demonstrations by guilds and groups, tours of...

Cost: Free

Where:
North Carolina Museum of History
5 E. Edenton St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Put your dancing shoes on! Come to the mill yard to join our costumed interpreters Jon and Karena Potter in learning and dancing 19th-century country dances. You do not need to have a partner to...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

For almost 200 years, farmers brought their wheat and corn to what is now Yates Mill to have their grains ground into flour and meal. Today, you can stop by the Yates Mill visitor center to see a...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

It`s 1863 at Yates Mill, and the yard is alive with activity! Step back in time with our 19th-century costumed interpreters and watch the millstones at work grinding corn into meal.  Tour fee:...

Cost: $5/Adult, $4/Senior (ages 60+), $3/Child (ages 7-16), Free/Child (ages 6-under)

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 15.0px Calibri; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} span.s1 {font: 15.0px 'Times New Roman'; font-kerning: none} span.s2 {font-kerning: none}...

Cost: $10-$20

Where:
1321 Athens Dr
Raleigh, NC  27606
View map »


Website »

More information

Enjoy music from five community bands from the Triangle area, including the Triangle Community Band, the Raleigh Concert Band, the Holly Springs Band, the Village Band, and the Cary Town Band....

Cost: Free

Where:
Durham Central Park
501 Foster St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Vacation Bible School is a FREE event at Trinity Baptist Church. All families are welcome! June 12-15, 2019. Wednesday - Friday 6-8pm and Saturday from 9-11:30am. Children can come enjoy...

Cost: Free

Where:
Trinity Baptist Church
4815 Six Forks Road
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: Trinity Baptist Church
Telephone: 919-787-3740
Contact Name: Katie Medlin
Website »

More information

The symphony performs well-known classical music by Mozart, Beethoven and more, including Rossini’s William Tell Overture. Purchase tickets online. Ages 12 and...

Cost: $30-$33/person

Where:
Koka Booth Amphitheatre
8003 Regency Pkwy.
Cary, NC  27518
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...
Edit Module Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Directories

Edit ModuleShow Tags Edit ModuleShow Tags

Annual Guides

Education Guide

The 2018-19 Education Guide offers 678 education resources in the Triangle, including area preschools, private schools, public school systems, charter schools, boarding schools, academic resources and an Exceptional Child special section.

The Triangle Go-To Guide

Our Triangle Go-To Guide connects you to family fun resources across the Triangle. In our 2019-20 issue, explore 1,028 resources for family fun.