Helping Children Choose Good Role Models


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Role models for children run the gamut from Grandpa to a gold medalist to a Grammy winner, and help impart life lessons as they encourage kids to strive for success. Role models help children learn about themselves and the world, says Jenny Aiello, a certified life coach and mom of five in Raleigh. But not all role models are good ones. For example, the latest pop starlet may teach your child more about the value of short-shorts than positive values. Here is age-by-age guidance on helping children pick and learn from positive, enduring role models.

Ages 0-4

Parent Play

Want your little ones to take turns, play peacefully, speak kindly and gobble up fruits and veggies? Then start by taking up these habits yourself. Parents are a child’s first role model, says family therapist Jay Fitter, author of “Respect Your Children: A Practical Guide to Effective Parenting.” Children begin observing parents’ behaviors and attitudes almost from birth, even when you’re not aware that you’re being watched. So if you gossip about neighbors, spend hours glued to your smartphone or snack on junk food, don’t be surprised if your little mimic follows suit.

“Parents and other role models help teach toddlers and preschoolers about socially acceptable behavior,” Fitter says. Modeling healthy conflict resolution can help preschoolers avoid hitting and bullying behavior, he adds. Small family disagreements are fodder for positive modeling. After a small argument, allow your child to see you resolve the conflict in a positive, respectful way.

Ages 5-12

Media Maven

Elementary-aged children look up to people who have overcome obstacles and experienced failure, defeat or hardship with a positive mindset, Aiello says. “Those types of role models will teach them that it’s OK to try and fail, and get up and try again,” she says.

Olympic athletes, musicians, authors and other celebrities can be appropriate role models, but beware — it’s easy for an impressionable school-ager to get caught up in “celeb worship” instead of seeing their role model as an imperfect person, or to fixate on the glamorous aspects of a role model’s image. Keep the dialogue focused on values. Ask kids which values they look for in a role model, and why. And remind kids that it’s OK to choose more than one role model and to change role models as they grow up and expand their interests.

Ages 13-18

Winning Words

Positive adult role models are vital to high-schoolers. In a recent study from Ohio Connections Academy, 79 percent of 10th- and 11th-graders rated role models as “extremely important.” What role should a role model take? Most students want a verbal cheerleader. In the same study, three-quarters of students said they wanted a role model to say encouraging words. “When real-world (as opposed to celebrity) role models have the potential to become real-life mentors in a teen’s life, it’s a win/win,” Aiello says. She recommends talking to teens about the role models they choose to encourage big-picture thinking. “Ask how they could use those qualities in their own lives and how those qualities might help them accomplish their goals in life,” Aiello says. “It opens up great conversations!”

Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three.

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