Could You Become a Foster Parent?

Triangle parents share their experiences


Published:

Charleen Evans (right) with her foster daughter, Briyanna.

Photo courtesy of Charleen Evans

When my friend, a foster parent, suggested that my husband and I also consider fostering, I shook my head. I admired her immensely. We wanted to help, and we had room in our hearts and home for more kids. But we could never be foster parents. Could we?

 

First, the Numbers

In Wake County alone, there are around 200 foster families and more than 700 children in care. It doesn’t take a mathematician to compute the overwhelming need. Add into the equation, however, a general misunderstanding of foster parents and the inherent challenges of foster care, and many qualified people simply say what I did: “We could never do that.”

Well, as it turned out, we could.

We spent two of the past three years as a licensed foster family. The experience was challenging, but also incredibly rewarding. And, for us, brief. Though reunification with the birth family is every foster family’s imperative, that outcome isn’t always possible. We adopted our first placement, then closed out our license to focus on meeting the needs of our expanded family.

I suppose it’s easy for me to say that welcoming a foster child into your heart and home is a risk worth taking. I’ll say it anyway. No matter what the outcome, you’ll gain back far more than you give.

The following conversations are with other foster parents serving kids in their communities. The journey to becoming a foster parent often starts with conversations like these, and the extending of an invitation. Consider this yours.

 


Melanie Shaw

Melanie Shaw works in the information technology field and has been a foster parent for 10 years. During that time, she has cared for 15 teenage girls.

 

Why did you become a foster parent?

My parents raised me to help people and give back where I can. This will sound selfish, but I also wanted to help teenagers because they were the age of the children I wanted to have but didn’t.

 

Whats it like being a single foster parent?

There are benefits to being a single parent to some kids. They are more comfortable without a man in the home because of what they’ve been through. I do work full-time, so I’ve had awesome social workers that help me meet the kids’ needs. I also use the respite care offered through other foster parents to take breaks. Fostering is emotionally challenging work. But this has been one of the best experiences of my life. It’s a joy to give these kids positive experiences they might not have had otherwise.

 

What would you say to someone interested in fostering?

I grew up on a farm and, to me, fostering is like farming. There are stages. Sometimes you plant the seeds but someone else does the watering. You don’t always get to see the harvest. You have to trust that these kids will take what you’ve given them into their futures.

Photo courtesy of Melanie Shaw


Lora and Christopher Addair

Lora Addair and her husband, Christopher, have been foster parents for five years. They have four children — two sons previously adopted from private agencies and two daughters whom they fostered and then adopted.

 

How did you approach fostering with your own kids, who are also in the home?

As a family. We talked to the boys and got their input first, so they saw it as something we were doing together. Once we had our first placements, they acted as stabilizers for the other kids. We have boys and fostered girls, so we did have to stay watchful. We addressed issues as they came up and made our expectations clear.

 

How did you balance the needs of your family with fostering?

We had regular date nights to stay connected as a couple and family nights to stay in tune with the kids. We also had to work together. Our foster kids needed to go to therapy, and we wanted to keep them in their same schools, so there was a lot of driving. But they’d already experienced so much upheaval that it was worth it.

 

What would you say to families who are interested in fostering?

You can change a life forever. You don’t have to be perfect, just available. Our lives are immeasurably greater for it!

Photo courtesy of the Addair Family


Charleen Evans

In the eight years that Charleen has been a foster parent, she has served six teenage girls. She also has two grown sons and seven grandchildren.

 

Whats your greatest joy as a foster parent?

It’s good to see that you’re making a positive impact. My goal is to make each child feel safe and loved and to give them the opportunity to be the best they can be during the time they’re with me. Some stay in touch after they leave. They ask my advice, which tells me they still trust me.

 

What would you say to someone considering foster care?

Fostering is a good fit for you if you love kids, have a positive attitude and are willing to take the time to make a difference in their lives. Also, know that you won’t be alone. A team of professionals will support you in helping your kids reach their goals. At the end of the day, all you can do is your very best.

Briyana and Charleen Photo courtesy of Charleen Evans


George and Edna Marshall

After raising two daughters, George and Edna became foster parents. Over the past nine years, they’ve helped more than 30 children. They are currently fostering four children ages 11 to 16.

 

Why foster at a time when most are taking it easy?

We saw underweight kids not getting balanced nutrition in our own county. It’s going on right here, and we don’t see it. That drives us. No one will leave our home hungry.

 

Whats your biggest challenge?

The media often portrays foster parents negatively. Everyone hears the bad stories, but no one sees all of the successes we have. We work hard to prepare these kids for life — succeeding in school, playing sports and finding jobs. We also work with birth families to prepare them to reunite with the kids.

Photo courtesy of the Marshall Family

 

What would you say to those interested in fostering?

You don’t have to be a lawyer or a doctor. You just need to give love, protection and safety to kids when they need it. We have a prayer hanging in our kitchen that we read to each kid who comes through the door:

“Dear God, swing the doors of our home wide so that all people will feel welcome and loved. May the floor and walls be strong enough to carry the burdens of those who come. We pray no one leaves feeling less than when he entered. May your love and peace cover and protect as each one departs. Amen.”

 

For more information on foster care or licensing through your county or a private agency, call 877-NCKIDS or visit ncdhhs.gov/dss/fostercare.

 

Christa Hogan is a freelance writer, mom of three and former foster parent.

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August 2019

Join Mindful Families of Durham, a Buddhist-inspired spiritual community that supports area parents, caregivers, and their children in the practice of mindfulness and the understanding of the...

Cost: Free

Where:
Erwin Road
Durham, NC  27705
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Sponsor: Mindful Families of Durham
Contact Name: Adam, Laura, Josh, Sumi
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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
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Website »

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Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
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Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
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Slither your way up to Walnut Creek Wetland Park to celebrate snakes with us. Learn about snake habitat, the differences between venomous and nonvenomous snakes, and meet some of our friendly snake...

Cost: $5 per family

Where:
Walnut Creek Wetland Park
950 Peterson Street
Raleigh, NC  27610
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Telephone: 919-996-2760
Contact Name: Stacie Hagwood
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Make a tree with your best friends' names. Ages 2-6 with caregiver. Register online. Choose course #125008.

Cost: $10/resident, $13/nonresident

Where:
Bond Park Community Center
801 High House Rd.
Cary, NC  27511
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Ages 11-17 make spicy foods inspired by the South. Register online. Choose course #124744.

Cost: $44/resident, $57/nonresident

Where:
Herbert C. Young Community Center
101 Wilkinson Ave.
Cary, NC
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All great inventions start out as merely ideas and some even happen by accident. Hear invention stories, including the story of Oliver Evans, who invented the automated milling system used at Yates...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
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Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
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Website »

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Peek into buckets of pond water to see the critters living in our pond. Who are they and what do they turn into? Enjoy a story and hands-on activities. Meet at the Cypress Shelter. For ages 1-6...

Cost: Free

Where:
Harris Lake County Park
2112 County Park Dr.
New Hill, NC  27562
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Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Joanne St. Clair
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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

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Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
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Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
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Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
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Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
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Enjoy storytime with Amy Godfrey. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Locopops Dessert Cafe
2618 Hillsborough St.
Durham, NC  27705
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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
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Website »

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Bring your budding naturalist to the park to learn about our scaly reptile friends, snakes! A craft, engaging activity or story and a guided greenway walk (weather permitting) through the wetland...

Cost: $2 per child

Where:
Walnut Creek Wetland Park
950 Peterson Street
Raleigh, NC  27610
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Telephone: 919-996-2760
Contact Name: Stacie Hagwood
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More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
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Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
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Did you know that most of the world’s data is stored in something called a database? This includes your school grades, Yelp’s list of local pizza shops and music downloads on your...

Cost: Free: registration required

Where:
, NC  27560


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Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
View map »


Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
Website »

More information

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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
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Enjoy tea time for the whole family. Samples of hot tea, cold tea, and kombucha will be provided, along with games and family fun.

Cost: Free

Where:
IngenuiTea Kombucha Coffee & Tea
514 E Williams St
APEX, NC  27502
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Sponsor: IngenuiTea Brews
Telephone: 919-438-3684
Contact Name: Mark Poole
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Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
View map »


Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
Website »

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Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

This program is designed to move at a toddler’s pace: Run. Stop. Pick dandelions. Run. Climb on a rock. Find an interesting leaf! Join others for an easy-paced hike around the greenway...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Walnut Creek Wetland Park
950 Peterson Street
Raleigh, NC  27610
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Telephone: 919-996-2760
Contact Name: Stacie Hagwood

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Parent and child ages 2-5 water plants in the native wildflower gardens. Register online. Choose course #124908.

Cost: Free

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC
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Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
View map »


Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
Website »

More information

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August 16th is National Tell a Joke Day. Come to the Finley Center anytime during the day to share some jokes with the park community. A large board will be set up in the Exhibit Hall where...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
View map »


Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
Website »

More information

Take a hike after dark and enjoy the sounds of the night along the American Tobacco Trail! We’ll let the light of an almost full moon guide us as we walk to the Beaver Creek bridge and back...

Cost: Free

Where:
American Tobacco Trail
1309 New Hill-Olive Chapel Rd.
Apex, NC  27502
View map »


Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park and the American Tobacco Trail
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Joanne St. Clair
Website »

More information

See the blockbuster movie at Booth Amphitheatre. Purchase tickets online. 

Cost: $5 for ages 13 and older. Free for ages 12 and younger.

Where:
Booth Amphitheatre
8003 Regency Pkwy.
Cary, NC  27518
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Website »

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Shop for local handmade arts and crafts from local vendors. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Durham Central Park
501 Foster St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

August 16th is National Tell a Joke Day. Come to the Finley Center anytime during the day to share some jokes with the park community. A large board will be set up in the Exhibit Hall where...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

The Carolina Homeschool Conference 2019 welcomes all homeschoolers for a day of education, inspiration and connection. There will be six workshops, a keynote address and a Q&A panel featuring...

Cost: $32 before July 1, $40 after July 1

Where:
Hope Community Church
2080 E. Williams St.
Apex, NC  27539
View map »


Sponsor: Carolina Homeschool Conference, LLC
Contact Name: Laina Yeisley
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Be the person in your neighborhood that can identify ALL the trees! Join an NC Forest Service Ranger for family-friendly tree ID that will teach you how to recognize common trees in our area...and...

Cost: Free

Where:
American Tobacco Trail
1309 New Hill-Olive Chapel Rd.
Apex, NC  27502
View map »


Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park and the American Tobacco Trail
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Joanne St. Clair
Website »

More information

Kindergarten students entering the traditional school calendar practice a lunch line, get moving at recess, hop on a school bus and more.  

Cost: Free

Where:
Marbles Kids Museum
201 E. Hargett St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
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Website »

More information

Step back in time with our 19th-century costumed interpreters and watch the millstones at work grinding corn into meal. Tour fee: $5/Adult, $4/Senior (ages 60 & over), $3/Child (ages 7-16),...

Cost: $5/Adult, 4$/Senior (60+), $3/Child (7-16), 6&Younger Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Ages 1-5 and caregiver delight in the discoveries of nature. Register online. Choose course #124955.

Cost: $8/resident, $10/nonresident

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Come learn all about how red wiggler worms can recycle your leftover food into soil. One lucky family will win a new worm bin (minus the worms). Resources for where to purchase or order worms will...

Cost: $5 per family

Where:
Walnut Creek Wetland Park
950 Peterson Street
Raleigh, NC  27610
View map »


Telephone: 919-996-2760
Contact Name: Stacie Hagwood
Website »

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Learn more about pollinators during this family friendly event. Sample and buy local honey and honey-based products.

Cost: Free

Where:
State Farmers Market
1201 Agriculture St.
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Website »

More information

Ages 18 months-5 years with special needs enjoy educational and therapeutic toys with caregiver. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Flaherty Park Community Center
1226 N. White St.
Wake Forest, NC  27587
View map »


Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

For almost 200 years, farmers brought their wheat and corn to what is now Yates Mill to have their grains ground into flour and meal. Today, you can stop by the Yates Mill visitor center to see a...

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Step back in time with our 19th-century costumed interpreters and watch the millstones at work grinding corn into meal. Tour fee: $5/Adult, $4/Senior (ages 60 & over), $3/Child (ages 7-16),...

Cost: $5/Adult, 4$/Senior (60+), $3/Child (7-16), 6&Younger Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Road
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Historic Yates Mill County Park
Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Take the family to enjoy a Touch-A-Truck event and food trucks at 6 p.m. before the movie begins at 8 p.m. 

Cost: Free

Where:
The Big Field at Dorothea Dix Park
101 Blair Dr.
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Website »

More information

East Cloud Kungfu hosts a Parent's Night Out event, featuring a safe environment for kids as they about the wide world of kungfu.   Check it out!...

Cost: $25 first child, $20 each additional child

Where:
East Cloud Kungfu, LLC
5655-A Western Blvd
Raleigh, NC  27606
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Sponsor: East Cloud Kungfu, LLC
Telephone: 252-646-7053
Contact Name: Imari Colon
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Stop in during one of our Back to School Open Houses!  Meet our instructors, tune your instrument, learn a quick song and more!. Aug 12th 7-8:30 Brass & Woodwinds Aug 17th 12:30-2:00...

Cost: Free

Where:
Bach to Rock Music School
9587 US 64
Apex, NC  27523
View map »


Sponsor: Bach To Rock Music School
Telephone: 919-446-5386
Contact Name: Kelly Foster
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More information

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