Blending Faiths, Families & Traditions


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Figuring out what traditions to carry on, or even which holidays to celebrate, can be a significant challenge for couples who come from different cultural or religious backgrounds, or those blending families through marriage. But it’s a challenge worth taking on.

Traditions help families feel like a unit, says Linda Cherney, a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Chapel Hill. “People want to carry on the things of their past, to create continuity between generations,” she explains. “Traditions provide a place to have fun, create memories and forge a sense of belonging.”

If your family is facing this issue as the holiday season approaches, here are some tips from Cherney and four local couples who have been through the process.

What’s “right” depends on the family

The parents we spoke with describe varying degrees of blending or adapting traditions in light of different beliefs or backgrounds. For Rachel Ruvo of Pittsboro, combining her Jewish heritage with husband Andy’s Catholic background has meant embracing both faiths, worshipping at temple or church on holidays, and joining a fellowship that emphasizes respect for all spiritual practices.

Linda and Kevin Derricks of Cary have agreed to raise their 10-month-old twins in the Jewish faith while still celebrating Christian holidays with Kevin’s family. Seunghee Lee and Brad Mott of Apex nurture a connection to her native country by attending a Korean church and enrolling their son and daughter in programs that teach them about Korean culture.

The important thing in charting this path together, Cherney explains, is that spouses are respectful and supportive of one another’s beliefs and traditions, even if they choose to practice just one faith as a family.

It helps to have a plan

The couples discussed these matters prior to marrying, allowing them to cultivate traditions more deliberately. Both Linda and Kevin came from families that explored or even converted to other religions, so, Linda says, “It was a given that we would be open to one another’s beliefs and traditions.”

Rachel and Andy began their lives together by having both a priest and a rabbi officiate at their wedding. Theresa Menz and Seth Kullman of Chapel Hill sought couples counseling to work through differences in their backgrounds — she was raised a Catholic, he was a nonpracticing Jew — while creating a new family with her preteen son. The process wasn’t easy, Theresa says, but it helped them understand their own limits and determine how they could explore spirituality together.

Cherney emphasizes that communication is crucial, especially with blended families. And even if you’ve had these conversations before, she suggests touching base each holiday season to “trouble-shoot” potential problems caused by differences in beliefs, expectations or experiences. If the issue causes tension between spouses, she adds, “a few sessions of coaching with a professional may help.”

Be flexible

Even the best plans may require adjusting, because families change over time. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Theresa says that in the years since she and Seth married, “trust and experience have given us a basis for making plans as a family, so the boundaries we negotiated have relaxed. We have both moved beyond our initial comfort zones.”

They now enjoy exploring Jewish traditions together — something Seth had not done much, prior to their marriage — and even Theresa’s son has grown spiritually through sharing holidays with his stepfather.

Rachel points out that Thanksgiving has actually emerged as the family’s most valued holiday, despite all the hoopla over celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah. “It’s a time to focus on thankfulness, friendship and family,” she explains. “We invite everyone from our circle to dinner and talk to our children about the importance of those connections.”

Keep it simple

Holidays can become a blur of activity as couples seek to make everything about their blended celebrations special. Rachel admits that she and Andy have often “scratched [their] heads at the calendar” while trying to schedule holiday activities. “For practicality’s sake,” she advises, “make the traditions easy to maintain. It only gets more complicated as the kids get older.”

Seunghee explains that “finding time to ensure we’re providing good coverage of both of our cultures” is their greatest challenge; as a result, she and Brad have agreed to explore a “subset” of traditions from each culture, celebrating some holidays in American fashion and others, such as the Korean New Year, in Korean fashion.

“Keep the list of family traditions shorter rather than longer,” Cherney suggests, “so that the ones you maintain are truly meaningful. If the holidays get too complicated, the memories might not be good ones.”

Be prepared for mixed reactions — even your own

Change can be difficult, and sometimes even willing partners feel a sense of loss over no longer doing things “their” way. As Rachel puts it, “The holidays don’t feel like they did when we were kids.”

Theresa notes that she and her son have put aside some aspects of their Christmas celebration out of respect for Seth’s feelings. For Linda, whose family drifted away from Judaism during her teen years, recommitting to her faith has brought regret that so few members of her family are practicing with her.

Linda is also trying to forgive herself for having forgotten many of the rituals she practiced as a child. “I’m basically starting from scratch with some of the customs of my faith,” she explains, “and I wish I had a more established community to support my sons as they learn and grow.”

In this respect, Cherney encourages parents to be patient and perhaps even lower their expectations. And if you’re in the first year of blending a family, be prepared for the possibility that older children may express reluctance or even resentment over trying new things.

Cherish the little moments

Cherney urges families experiencing this transition to enjoy “even the little moments that signify the beginning of that ‘family’ feel.”

Rachel recalls being “over the moon” when she first got to decorate the house for Christmas, and she admits she is usually the first one in the family to don a festive sweater. Linda is excited about the little Hanukkah sacks, decorated with Jewish symbols and filled with a gift for each night of the festival, that her mother is making for her infant sons. To her, it is nod of support for the Christmas stockings they will have at Kevin’s parents’ house.

For Theresa, memories of her first Hanukkah with Seth include the dish towels he ruined when he used them to squeeze liquid out of the potatoes he had shredded to make latkes. “One hazard of having an authentic cook,” she concludes with a smile.

Whatever path they have taken, these parents agree that open-mindedness and respect were crucial to developing meaningful customs in their family. They also note that the process has brought them closer to their partners. “It’s a continuous collaboration,” Linda concludes, “and a wonderful learning experience for everyone in the family.”

That’s a tradition all families can embrace.

Karen Lewis Taylor is a freelance writer and editor who lives in Apex with her husband and two daughters.

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Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27609
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Sponsor: Saint Rapahel Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Katie Mistele
Website »

More information

The goal of the How To Talk So Kids Will Listen Group workshop is to help you communicate more effectively with children.   In each session of the workshop you'll be introduced to an...

Cost: $12.95 materials fee

Where:
Wildflower School at Belle Vie Farm
3100 Damascus Church Road
Chapel Hill, NC  27516
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Sponsor: Wildflower School at Belle Vie Farm
Telephone: 919-260-6859
Contact Name: Shelley Welch
Website »

More information

Hounded by Death, the character of Everybody desperately seeks out everyone and everything they know in hope of finding something meaningful to take to the grave. These 90 minutes of theatrical...

Cost: Ticket prices start at $15

Where:
PlayMakers' Repertory Company
120 Country Club Rd
Chapel Hill, NC  27599
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Telephone: 919-962-7529

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Forget tourist-filled museums, make your own memories with a photo scavenger hunt tour in Raleigh! On a Let’s Roam scavenger hunt, you and your team will work together to wander throughout...

Cost: $11

Where:
500 S Salisbury St
raleigh, NC  27601
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Sponsor: Let's Roam
Website »

More information

Amongst the ancient oak trees is the heart of Raleigh. We'll help you see the forest for the trees and all its magic splendor. Tourist, local, or new to town, this is a lively small group activity...

Cost: $11

Where:
Downtown
500 S Salisbury St
Raleigh, NC  27601
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Sponsor: Let's Roam
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: Kelly
Website »

More information

Summer Garden Camps at the JCRA invite your child to investigate nature during half or full day camps.  Campers tend to the garden, harvest vegetables, catch insects, and create crafts from the...

Cost: Varies depending on camp week

Where:
JC Raulston Arboretum
4415 Beryl Rd
Raleigh, NC  27606
View map »


Sponsor: JC Raulston Arboretum
Telephone: (919) 513-7011
Contact Name: Elizabeth Overcash
Website »

More information

Kindermusik is a research-based early childhood curriculum that includes 45-minute classroom lessons with materials and resources that encourages parental involvement . Research has linked...

Cost: $70/month

Where:
Hope Community Building
2080 E Williams St
Hope Community Building, Fuquay Varina Room
Apex/Holly Springs, NC  27539
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Telephone: 191-990-25432
Contact Name: Leigh Hamm
Website »

More information

Skate on an ice trail or free skate on 17,000 sq. ft of ice. Located in the Upper Pond of the Whitewater Center, the skating environment features three distinct programming areas and an on-ice...

Cost: 20

Where:
USNWC
5000 Whitewater Center Pkwy
Charlotte, NC  28214
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Sponsor: USNWC
Telephone: 704-391-3900
Website »

More information

Lights is a half-mile walking trail that leads viewers through a series of immersive light installations featuring  honeycombs, vines, crystals, and other natural features integrated into the...

Cost: Free

Where:
USNWC
5000 Whitewater Center Pkwy
Charlotte, NC  28214
View map »


Sponsor: USNWC
Telephone: 704-391-3900
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Join us for Family Trivia Night!  Test your knowledge of pop culture, books, music and more. Pizza and drinks provided.  Call or stop by to register: 919-245-2532. Best for kids ages 8 and up...

Cost: Free

Where:
Orange County Main Library
137 W Margaret Ln
Hillsborough, NC  27278
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Sponsor: Orange County Public Library
Telephone: 919-245-2539
Contact Name: Libbie Hough
Website »

More information

Art Walk featuring local galleries and artist studios in historic downtown Hillsborough on the Last Friday of every month (no Art Walk in December).

Cost: FREE

Where:
Downtown Hillsborough (multiple locations)
102 N. Churton St.
Hillsborough, NC  27278
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Sponsor: Hillsborough Arts Council
Telephone: 919-643-2500
Contact Name: Torey Mishoe
Website »

More information

Kids! Are you sick of the Winter? Enjoy a Summer's night at Peach Road Center. Enjoy a Summer-like evening with us. Get into the luau spirit and play summer games!  

Cost: Free

Where:
Peach Road Community Center
911 Ileagnes Rd
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: City or Raleigh Parks, Recreation & Cultural Resources
Telephone: 919-807-8545
Contact Name: Christy Famolare

More information

Hounded by Death, the character of Everybody desperately seeks out everyone and everything they know in hope of finding something meaningful to take to the grave. These 90 minutes of theatrical...

Cost: Ticket prices start at $15

Where:
PlayMakers' Repertory Company
120 Country Club Rd
Chapel Hill, NC  27599
View map »


Telephone: 919-962-7529

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Forget tourist-filled museums, make your own memories with a photo scavenger hunt tour in Raleigh! On a Let’s Roam scavenger hunt, you and your team will work together to wander throughout...

Cost: $11

Where:
500 S Salisbury St
raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: Let's Roam
Website »

More information

Join our bird enthusiast, Vernon, for an easy walk while looking and listening for our feathered friends. Discover different types of birds and their habitats.​ No preregistration required. Meet...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Lake Crabtree County Park
1400 Aviation Pkwy.
Morrisville, NC  27560
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Sponsor: Lake Crabtree County Park
Telephone: 919-460-3355
Contact Name: Carol Cunningham
Website »

More information

How did people predict the weather before The Weather Channel, and can animals really help? Come to the Finley Center to put our colonial weather proverbs to the test and make a pop-up woodchuck...

Cost: For all ages; FREE. Registration is not required

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Amongst the ancient oak trees is the heart of Raleigh. We'll help you see the forest for the trees and all its magic splendor. Tourist, local, or new to town, this is a lively small group activity...

Cost: $11

Where:
Downtown
500 S Salisbury St
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: Let's Roam
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: Kelly
Website »

More information

Summer Garden Camps at the JCRA invite your child to investigate nature during half or full day camps.  Campers tend to the garden, harvest vegetables, catch insects, and create crafts from the...

Cost: Varies depending on camp week

Where:
JC Raulston Arboretum
4415 Beryl Rd
Raleigh, NC  27606
View map »


Sponsor: JC Raulston Arboretum
Telephone: (919) 513-7011
Contact Name: Elizabeth Overcash
Website »

More information

Kindermusik is a research-based early childhood curriculum that includes 45-minute classroom lessons with materials and resources that encourages parental involvement . Research has linked...

Cost: $70/month

Where:
Hope Community Building
2080 E Williams St
Hope Community Building, Fuquay Varina Room
Apex/Holly Springs, NC  27539
View map »


Telephone: 191-990-25432
Contact Name: Leigh Hamm
Website »

More information

Join us to meet the educators, see the farm and learn more about our Preschool for 3-5 year olds and Camps for 4-10 year olds. We'll have a campfire for some warmth but please come dressed for the...

Cost: 0

Where:
Longleaf Forest School
4826 Mt. Moriah Road
Durhan, NC  27707
View map »


Sponsor: Longleaf Forest School
Contact Name: Tara Lawson
Website »

More information

Chinese New Year Festival, also Lunar New Year Festival. Largest public event in the Triangle. MAIN STAGE has vocal and orchestral music, folk dance, Lion and Dragon dances, martial arts, and comic...

Cost: $10 entry at door, military and senior discounts, kids<6 free

Where:
Dorton Arena, NC State Fairgrounds
1025 Blue Ridge Road
Enter Gate 1,2,4,5,11
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: NC Triangle Area Chinese American Society
Contact Name: Michael, Shin
Website »

More information

Chinese New Year Festival or Lunar New Year Festival, largest public event in the Triangle. MAIN STAGE with musical and dance performances, Lion Dance Dragon Dance, martial arts, comic skits emceed...

Cost: $10 entry at door, military and senior discounts, kids<6 free

Where:
Dorton Arena, NC State Fairgrounds
1025 Blue Ridge Road
Enter Gate 1,2,4,5,11
Raleigh, NC  27607
View map »


Sponsor: NC Triangle Area Chinese American Society
Contact Name: Michael, Shin
Website »

More information

Skate on an ice trail or free skate on 17,000 sq. ft of ice. Located in the Upper Pond of the Whitewater Center, the skating environment features three distinct programming areas and an on-ice...

Cost: 20

Where:
USNWC
5000 Whitewater Center Pkwy
Charlotte, NC  28214
View map »


Sponsor: USNWC
Telephone: 704-391-3900
Website »

More information

Lights is a half-mile walking trail that leads viewers through a series of immersive light installations featuring  honeycombs, vines, crystals, and other natural features integrated into the...

Cost: Free

Where:
USNWC
5000 Whitewater Center Pkwy
Charlotte, NC  28214
View map »


Sponsor: USNWC
Telephone: 704-391-3900
Website »

More information

Sign up for a Raleigh scavenger hunt and put on your best Nick Cage impression as you seek out the national treasures hidden in Raleigh. Via an app, be guided through the cultural, historical,...

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Downtown Raleigh
500 S. Salisbury St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Sponsor: LetsRoam!
Telephone: 833-202-7626
Contact Name: LetsRoam!
Website »

More information

Spanish Alive is providing Family Spanish classes starting in January! Join us to learn Spanish as an entire family in an immersive, fun environment. Our teachers are trained Spanish educators and...

Cost: $75-$216

Where:
Spanish Alive
156 E. Chatham St
Cary, NC
View map »


Website »

More information

Did you know that Disney, Netflix, Google and NASA, just to name a few, are all using Python? Python can be used for creating web applications, automation, programming robots and artificial...

Cost: Free: registration required

Where:
, NC


Website »

More information

FEB. 1, 2020 | 1 – 4 P.M. | BLUE JAY POINT COUNTY PARK Spend a winter afternoon getting to know Blue Jay Point County Park at our Winter Open House. Whether you’re a regular visitor or have...

Cost: Free

Where:
Blue Jay Point County Park
3200 Pleasant Union Church Road
Raleigh, NC  27614
View map »


Telephone: 919-870-4330
Website »

More information

Hounded by Death, the character of Everybody desperately seeks out everyone and everything they know in hope of finding something meaningful to take to the grave. These 90 minutes of theatrical...

Cost: Ticket prices start at $15

Where:
PlayMakers' Repertory Company
120 Country Club Rd
Chapel Hill, NC  27599
View map »


Telephone: 919-962-7529

More information

Come on out to support the NC State Gymnastics team as they take on North Carolina in a RED out on February 1st! The first 300 fans in attendance will receive an exclusive red NC State Gymnastics...

Cost: $3-$7

Where:
Reynolds Collisuem
2411 Dunn Ave.
Raleigh , NC  27607
View map »

More information

Come on out to support the NC State Gymnastics team as they take on North Carolina in a RED out on February 1st! The first 300 fans in attendance will receive an exclusive red NC State Gymnastics...

Cost: $3-$7

Where:
Reynolds Collisuem
2411 Dunn Ave.
Raleigh , NC  27607
View map »

More information

Hounded by Death, the character of Everybody desperately seeks out everyone and everything they know in hope of finding something meaningful to take to the grave. These 90 minutes of theatrical...

Cost: Ticket prices start at $15

Where:
PlayMakers' Repertory Company
120 Country Club Rd
Chapel Hill, NC  27599
View map »


Telephone: 919-962-7529

More information

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Annual Guides

Education Guide

The 2019-20 Education Guide offers 718 education resources in the Triangle, including area preschools, private schools, public school systems, charter schools, boarding schools and academic resources.

The Triangle Go-To Guide

Our Triangle Go-To Guide connects you to family fun resources across the Triangle. In our 2019-20 issue, explore 1,028 resources for family fun.