8 North Carolina Dads Featured in New Book


Published:

Austin Dowd, a Raleigh dad, and I met through the National At Home Dad Network. At the 2015 National At-Home Dad Convention, Austin and I discussed his idea about shooting environmental portraits of dads and how to turn it into a coffee table book about dads.

I loved the idea and suggested adding a form with questions for dads to answer and also add photos of dads with their kids. The result was pure gold with dads opening up and sharing endearing photos of them with their kids and intimate facets of fatherhood.

"DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century" is the first coffee table book of its kind in the book industry. The book, which will be available in June, features 115 dads from a variety of family dynamics and 11 countries. Of the 115 there are eight dads who live in North Carolina. Henry Amador-Batten of Durham; Jerred Copeland, Wes Hall and Daniel Wilkerson of Cary; James Kline of Apex; Scott Price and Dylan Ward of Holly Springs; and Darrell Humphrey of Charlotte.

Austin and I created this coffee table book for the sole purpose of educating the world about the true image of dads as parents, which embodies the same kind of unconditional love, compassion and dedication that exists in moms as parents. This book is a friendly invitation to embrace a view of dads from a different lens than the one our culture and media’s constant portrayal of dads as incompetent, bumbling parents who are not as trustworthy as moms and could never raise a child and/or be the primary caregivers as well as moms.

We don’t know how or why this negative stereotyping of dads started and continues to exist today. What we do know is that the buck needs to stop here in the best interest of the KIDS!

To demonstrate the importance of why our positive message about today’s modern dads should be important to society and especially the kids who will eventually become future parents, we’d like to highlight stories about two dads, and also share our observations about how these daily occurrences deliver the wrong kind of message. 

Story No. 1

One day a mom gave a neighborhood dad the best compliment she could give him. She entrusted the care of her child to him. However, a week later she called the dad on the telephone and said, “I can no longer leave my child in your care.”

“Why?” He asked.

“I’m sorry. But my husband will not allow it anymore.”

Story No. 2

After a dad and teenage son arrived at their neighborhood community pool and sat in the lounge chairs, two moms approached the dad and said, “We don’t think it would be appropriate for you to sit next to these teenage girls.”

The dad obliged the moms and he and his son left the area and found another place to sit.

In both of these unfortunate scenarios, the husband and two moms rushed to an unfair judgment of the dad’s character. We feel there is another option they never considered in handling their concerns about the dads.

In the first story, the husband could have scheduled a personal phone call and/or meeting with the dad to get to know him better. During that time the dad would more than likely feel comfortable trusting his child in the care of this dad. This is a courtesy many parents provide to people they meet for the first time, such as babysitters, daycare providers and preschool teachers.

In the second story, the two moms could have also exercised the following approach.

“Hello, my name is Cathy and this is Stacey. We’ve never seen or met you before and would like to welcome you to the pool. If there is anything you need, please let us know and we’ll be happy to help.”

This kind of warm and welcoming introduction increases the chances of a more positive outcome and also squelches any fears and concerns the moms may have had about the dad.  

What we feel is also disappointing about the second story is that the dad and two moms overlooked how they contributed to the unfortunate stigma about dads not being good parents and passed it on to the teenage kids, who will more than likely become the next generation of parents.

For the boy there is the emotional trauma of watching two women emasculate his dad. His dad also did not serve as a good role model by surrendering to these two moms' unwarranted request.

The dad had another option: He could have used this as an opportunity to educate the moms and demonstrated to his son, in a constructive way, how to stand up for masculinity, for his role as a dad and for other dads in his position. He could have said:

“I’m sorry you feel this way ladies. My name is David. I live in this neighborhood. I’m here to enjoy the community pool with my son and chose these lounge chairs to sit with him. I’d like to assure you that I’m not a threat to these teenage girls. I would like to ask you ladies a question. What did you just teach these teenage girls with your request for me to leave and find another place to sit?”

The truth is that the community pool is a public place, in which a person is allowed to freely choose where to sit. Also, the dad did not pose a threat to the teenage girls, but more importantly, the moms may have taught the teenage girls to fear and not trust men.

Our message to parents is to consider the first course of action, which is to get to know the man behind the title of dad, before rushing to judgment.

We’d like to briefly share information about some of the exceptional dads you will meet in this book.

Patrick Emerson, a California dad who works as a deckhand on a supply boat that runs crew and cargo offshore for the oil rigs in Santa Barbara. His work schedule requires him to be away from his family for a week at a time.

Richard Blake, a Colorado dad who serves as the primary caregiver for his family.

Mike Beltran, a California single dad who received full custody of his son and works as a referee.

Kelly Farley, an Illinois dad who, in an 18-month period, experienced the loss of two babies: daughter Katie in 2004, and son Noah in 2006.

Mark Goblowsky, a Nebraska single dad whose son, Josh, suffered a massive traumatic brain injury due to a hit-and-run accident. Josh must wear a helmet for his safety and struggles to function like a normal person.

David Drysdale, a United Kingdom dad of two children. At the time we invited David to share his story, he was diagnosed with cancer. Sadly, David died peacefully before the publication of this book on July 4, 2016. (Austin and I would also like to acknowledge David’s amazing wife, Misol, who graciously honored David’s request to participate in this book.)

Nick Thorpe, a United Kingdom dad who adopted a child. Nick wrote the Tribute to David Drysdale, which we included in this book.

Pablo Elizaga, a New York dad who, after he announced to his wife he was gay, has a unique long distance and wonderful father-child relationship with his daughter who lives in Argentina.

Jason MacKenzie, a Canadian dad who lost his wife to suicide and, with the help of his second wife, conquered his alcohol and drug addiction.

David Mike, a Nebraska dad who had been incarcerated in a military prison for dishonorable desertion. After his release he turned his life around and became a productive citizen and wonderful dad. Austin and I included David to demonstrate that it is possible for a dad who made a mistake and/or committed a crime to turn his life around for the better and become a responsible and productive parent.

Darius Walker, a Wisconsin dad (of one child) who is serving a life sentence in a correctional facility. Austin and I included Darius to demonstrate that regardless of the crime a dad commits, concrete walls should not condemn or prevent him from building a relationship with his child(ren). Although incarcerated dads committed a crime and were sentenced by our legal system, Austin and I feel it is not our place to judge these dads while they serve their time in prison. They are still dads! Our attempt to invite and include incarcerated dads in this book wasn’t easy. Correctional facilities' strict policies made it difficult for inmates to participate in the book and for us to gain access to them. All but one of the inmates who contacted me gave up. The one inmate is Darius Walker. Darius has not only demonstrated an enormous amount of perseverance but also expressed remorse for his crime as well as his passion to continue being a father to his son. 

Shawn Fludd, a California dad who became a father at the age of 16 to a son who is now 20 years old. Shawn and his first wife divorced. He married again and he and his wife are parents to three children under age 5.

Wes Hall, a North Carolina dad who survived cancer but lost his right leg at the age of 15. After he retired from the YMCA in 2008, he and his wife made a decision for him to be the primary caregiver for their family.

Brian Knowler, a Canadian dad who works as a policeman and is a post dramatic stress disorder survivor. In March 2016 he debuted a book about his struggles with PTSD. The title of the book is "On the Other Side of Broken – One Cop’s Battle With the Demons of PTSD." 

Dylan Ward, a North Carolina gay dad who, with his partner and despite a difficult journey, adopted a 2-year-old boy.

After you acquaint yourself with this outstanding, diverse group of 115 dads, Austin and I believe you will come to the same conclusion we have about the true state of fatherhood: That the responsible, active, nurturing caring, loving, dedicated dads far outnumber the irresponsible, absent dads. But more importantly, we hope you'll see that fatherhood is alive in well all over the world!

The book is available for purchase in bookstores, at Amazon.com and other at retail outlets. The hard cover version is $39.95 and the paperback version is $27.95. If you’d like to contact the coauthors or preorder an autographed copy at a discount from one of the authors, please email Hogan Hilling at hogan@unitedweparent.com.

 

Hogan Hilling is a parent and nationally recognized and Oprah-approved author of 10 published parenting books in addition to the "Dads Behaving DADLY" book series. Hilling was the primary caregiver to three boys for 20 years. He has appeared on Oprah and ABC’s "The Story of Fathers and Son." He is also the founder of United We Parent and lives in Southern California.

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags

Related Content

New 'Seedlings' Exhibit Opens at Marbles Kids Museum

This imaginative greenhouse exhibit invites kids to get hands-on with planting.

Fun Things to Do in the Triangle This Weekend, Nov. 24-26

This weekend, practice thankfulness at a park in Raleigh, create with with fun materials in Durham, get a scientific perspective on an old favorite movie in Raleigh, and tour a historical park in Durham.

Family Performances in the Triangle

Nothing beats theater and live shows for beauty, suspense, laughs and learning. Check out what's happening this month on local stages.
Edit Module
Edit Module

About this Blog

Guest Bloggers

Guests share their thoughts and opinions


About This Blog

Read thoughts, opinions and ideas from parent bloggers and parenting experts in our region.

Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Calendar

November 2017

Step back in time with a 19th-century costumed interpreter and watch the millstones at work grinding corn into meal. Registration encouraged online. Tickets available at the...

Cost: $5/adult, $3 ages 7-16. Free for ages 6 and younger

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Celebrate the wonderful world of exotic animals and reptiles. Enjoy live specimens, presentations, raffles, vendors and much more. Purchase tickets online.  

Cost: $12 ages 13 and older, $5 ages 5-12.

Where:
N.C. State Fairgrounds, Kerr Scott Building
1025 Blue Ridge Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Website »

More information

Take part in a class that teaches individualized ways to foster motor development for your child. Learn about tummy time alternatives, best positions for your baby, how to help your child learn to...

Cost: $18

Where:
Open Arts
1222 Copeland Oaks Dr.
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Sponsor: Babies On The MOVE
Contact Name: Rebecca Quinones
Website »

More information

Join Mindful Families of Durham, a Buddhist-inspired spiritual community that supports area parents, caregivers, and their children in the practice of mindfulness and the understanding of the...

Cost: Free

Where:
Erwin Road
Durham, NC  27705
View map »


Sponsor: Mindful Families of Durham
Contact Name: Adam, Laura, Josh, Sumi
Website »

More information

Take part in a class that teaches individualized ways to foster motor development for your child. Learn about carry positions, best positions for your baby, how to help your child learn to crawl,...

Cost: $18

Where:
Open Arts
1222 Copeland Oaks Dr.
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Sponsor: Babies On The MOVE
Contact Name: Rebecca Quinones
Website »

More information

Kicks off the holiday season with local art, music, food, and family activities at various locations in Durham’s historic downtown district. Presented by the Durham Arts Council with support...

Cost: Free and open to the public.

Where:
Downtown Durham
120 Morris St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Sponsor: Durham Arts Council
Telephone: 919-560-2719
Contact Name: Susan Tierney
Website »

More information

Participants develop their naturalist skills and understanding of local nature. Ages 5-8 with parent. Register online.

Cost: $8/resident, $10/nonresident

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Cary, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Celebrate the natural world and where favorite Thanksgiving foods come from. Make a craft. All ages with adult. Register online.

Cost: $1/person

Where:
Crowder District Park
4709 Ten-Ten Rd.
Apex, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-662-2850
Website »

More information

Search the preserve for hidden holiday-themed clues and learn about native wild turkeys. Make a turkey decoration. Ages 5 and older with parent. Register online. Choose course code...

Cost: $1/person

Where:
Horseshoe Farm Nature Preserve
2900 Horse Shoe Farm Rd.
Wake Forest, NC
View map »


Website »

More information

Search for salamanders, owls and more. Ages 10-13. Register online.

Cost: $12/resident, $16/nonresident

Where:
Stevens Nature Center/Hemlock Bluffs
2616 Kildaire Farm Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-387-5980
Website »

More information

Park West Village hosts Winter Wonderland in the District. This year’s event will take place the weekend of November 17th. Take the family to enjoy train rides, magical winter lights, live...

Cost: Free; $5 donation for sledding

Where:
Park West Village
3400 Village Market Place
Morrisville, NC  27560
View map »


Telephone: 919-234-6710
Contact Name: Conner Dixon
Website »

More information

See ponies, hunters and jumpers compete in an event that benefits Duke Children's Hospital. Visit the website for hours and fees.

Cost: See website for fees

Where:
Gov. James B. Hunt Horse Complex
4601 Trinity Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Children ages 18 months-4 years and their parents enjoy free creative movement and music classes. The creative movement class focuses on the development of gross motor skills and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Sponsor: St. Raphael Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Sarah Rapp
Website »

More information

Make crafts celebrating turkeys. All ages with adult. Meet at the Cardinal Shelter. Registration not required. 

Cost: Free

Where:
Crowder District Park
4709 Ten-Ten Rd.
Apex, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-662-2850
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Children ages 18 months-4 years and their parents enjoy free creative movement and music classes. The creative movement class focuses on the development of gross motor skills and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Sponsor: St. Raphael Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Sarah Rapp
Website »

More information

Kids ages 6 and younger enjoy stories. Take part in an optional arts and crafts session after storytime for $5.

Cost: Free

Where:
Read With Me Book Shop
111 E. Hargett St., $110
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Learn what it was like to be a kid at the first Thanksgiving. Play games and make a food collage. Choose either the 10:30-noon and 2-3:30 p.m. session. Ages 7 and older. Register online.

Cost: $6/child

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, AL
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Toddler Time is a special time for ages 5 and younger to bounce under the supervision of their parents, and without interference from the big kids. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $7-$10

Where:
Sky Zone Durham
1720 Guess Rd., Ste. 90
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Children ages 18 months-4 years and their parents enjoy free creative movement and music classes. The creative movement class focuses on the development of gross motor skills and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Sponsor: St. Raphael Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Sarah Rapp
Website »

More information

Explore the woods and shoreline for signs of nature and collect treasures to make a craft. Take a full water bottle, snack and a bag lunch. Ages 6-11. Meet at the Cypress Shelter. Advance...

Cost: $16/child

Where:
Harris Lake County Park
2112 County Park Dr.
New Hill, NC  27562
View map »


Sponsor: Harris Lake County Park
Telephone: 919-387-4342
Contact Name: Jackie Trickel
Website »

More information

Kids ages 6 and younger enjoy stories. Take part in an optional arts and crafts session after storytime for $5.

Cost: Free

Where:
Read With Me Book Shop
111 E. Hargett St., $110
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Listen for the sound of silver bells and climb aboard in your pajamas for a first-class journey on the Polar Express. Come early to meet Santa and enjoy kid-friendly activities and a traditional...

Cost: $14-$29

Where:
Meymandi Concert Hall
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Athletes improve their flexibility, balance, joint mobility, as well as body and breath awareness. Special attention will be paid to core strength and posture and its importance in performance and...

Cost: Call for fees

Where:
Little Guru Kids Yoga and Creative Arts
215 Glenwood Avenue, Suite A
Raleigh, NC  27603
View map »


Sponsor: Little Guru Kids Yoga
Telephone: 919-345-5873
Contact Name: Jen Bluestone
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Children ages 18 months-4 years and their parents enjoy free creative movement and music classes. The creative movement class focuses on the development of gross motor skills and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Sponsor: St. Raphael Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Sarah Rapp
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Celebrate what you're thankful for. Play a game and make a pine cone turkey craft. All ages with adult. Drop-in program. Registration not required.

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Shop more than 20 local vendors offering amazing gifts this holiday season. Enjoy daily raffles with proceeds benefiting local animal rescue Paws in the City. Kids can enjoy crafts...

Cost: Free

Where:
Cary Crossroads
333 Crossroads Blvd
Cary, NC  27518
View map »


Website »

More information

Children ages 18 months-4 years and their parents enjoy free creative movement and music classes. The creative movement class focuses on the development of gross motor skills and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Saint Raphael Preschool
5801 Falls of Neuse Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27615
View map »


Sponsor: St. Raphael Preschool
Telephone: 919-865-5725
Contact Name: Sarah Rapp
Website »

More information

A wonderfully kid-paced hour featuring music, play and dancing with toddler stars singing on the mic at Cotton's gently amplified & participatory music show. Children delight in...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Pump It Up Raleigh
10700 World Trade Blvd, #112
Raleigh, NC  27617
View map »


Sponsor: Pump it Up
Telephone: 919-828-3344
Contact Name: Owner/manager Kellie Paterson McHugh
Website »

More information

Read the story by Karma Wilson and make a Thanksgiving-themed craft. All ages. Registration not required.

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, AL
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

See a contemporary re-imagination of Tchaikovky's timeless music. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $35-$55

Where:
Durham Performing Arts Center
123 Vivian St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

See the classic holiday story brought to life onstage featuring favorite characters Santa and Mrs. Claus, Hermey the Elf, Bumble the Abominable Snow Monster, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius and...

Cost: $15 and up

Where:
Fletcher Theater
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

See the classic holiday story brought to life onstage featuring favorite characters Santa and Mrs. Claus, Hermey the Elf, Bumble the Abominable Snow Monster, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius and...

Cost: $15 and up

Where:
Fletcher Theater
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

See a contemporary re-imagination of Tchaikovky's timeless music. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $35-$55

Where:
Durham Performing Arts Center
123 Vivian St.
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Catch this comedy classic on the big screen—as the symphony plays the charming and delightful score by John Williams live. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $14-$29

Where:
Meymandi Concert Hall
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Fit & Able Productions presents the Turkey Chase trail festival at Umstead Park. Take part in a 5K, 10K or 20K. After the race, enjoy fruit, brownies and other...

Cost: $25-$45

Where:
Umstead Park
8801 Glenwood Ave.
Raleigh, NC  27617
View map »


Sponsor: Fit and Able Productions
Telephone: 919-673-4689
Contact Name: Travis
Website »

More information

Celebrate what you're thankful for. Play a game and make a pine cone turkey craft. All ages with adult. Drop-in program. Registration not required.

Cost: Free

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Toddler Time is a special time for ages 5 and younger to bounce under the supervision of their parents, and without interference from the big kids. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $7-$10

Where:
Sky Zone Durham
1720 Guess Rd., Ste. 90
Durham, NC  27701
View map »


Website »

More information

Shop more than 20 local vendors offering amazing gifts this holiday season. Enjoy daily raffles with proceeds benefiting local animal rescue Paws in the City. Kids can enjoy crafts...

Cost: Free

Where:
Cary Crossroads
333 Crossroads Blvd
Cary, NC  27518
View map »


Website »

More information

The Raleigh Boychoir makes an appearance before its big Christmas concert.

Cost: Free

Where:
Quail Ridge Books
4209-100 Lassiter Mill Rd.
Raleigh, NC  27609
View map »


Website »

More information

Kids ages 6 and younger enjoy stories. Take part in an optional arts and crafts session after storytime for $5.

Cost: Free

Where:
Read With Me Book Shop
111 E. Hargett St., $110
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

See the classic holiday story brought to life onstage featuring favorite characters Santa and Mrs. Claus, Hermey the Elf, Bumble the Abominable Snow Monster, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius and...

Cost: $15 and up

Where:
Fletcher Theater
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Take a 30-minute tour to view the main power drive and milling machinery. Tickets available inside the park's visitor center. Online registration encouraged.

Cost: $5/adult, $3 ages 7-16. Free for ages 6 and younger

Where:
Historic Yates Mill County Park
4620 Lake Wheeler Rd.
Raleigh, NC
View map »


Telephone: 919-856-6675
Website »

More information

Explore the historic nature of Leigh Farm Park with a friendly guide. Venture inside the historic farmhouse while being captivated by tales about life at Leigh Farm throughout the years.

Cost: Free

Where:
Leigh Farm Park
370 Leigh Farm Rd.
Durham, NC  27707
View map »


Sponsor: Durham Parks and Recreation
Telephone: 919-560-1116
Contact Name: Natalya Buckel
Website »

More information

See the classic holiday story brought to life onstage featuring favorite characters Santa and Mrs. Claus, Hermey the Elf, Bumble the Abominable Snow Monster, Clarice, Yukon Cornelius and...

Cost: $15 and up

Where:
Fletcher Theater
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Catch this comedy classic on the big screen—as the symphony plays the charming and delightful score by John Williams live. Purchase tickets online.

Cost: $14-$29

Where:
Meymandi Concert Hall
2 E. South St.
Raleigh, NC  27601
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...
Edit Module

Magazine

Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Directories

Edit ModuleShow Tags Edit ModuleShow Tags

Annual Guides

Education Guide

The 2017-18 Education Guide offers 660 education resources in the Triangle, including area preschools, private schools, public school systems, charter schools, boarding schools and academic resources.

The Triangle Go-To Guide

Our debut Triangle Go-To Guide connects you to family fun resources across the Triangle. Plus, find out who our 2017 Readers' Favorites are.
Edit ModuleShow Tags