Middle school is an exciting time when preteens meet new friends and learn new academic responsibilities, but it’s also a time of internal and external changes, for children and parents.
Parents whose children have transitioned to middle school recommend keeping a positive outlook that conceals concerns about this next phase in a child’s life.
It also helps to arm yourself with information about your child’s middle school, develop a network of other parents and invest early in a combination lock that your child can practice opening.
“Children worry about bullying and getting picked on and if they are going to have friends,” says Carolyn Sink, a guidance counselor at Baucom Elementary School who has many years of experience helping anxious fifth-graders.
“They are such powerful issues and powerful stressors for them, and whatever parents can do to ease them is important.”
According to local experts and parents, other stressors for many rising sixth-graders, especially those who do not have older siblings to pave the way, are the newness of using a locker, using a combination lock, having limited time to switch classes, and switching class frequently.
Practical Tips Ease the Transition
Helping children get acquainted with their new school can reduce stress. Counselors recommend parents attend middle school open houses with their children so they can become familiar with the new school, communicate with staff and teachers, and encourage a child to be involved in the school community.
Janice Salchert of Cary, who has three children — two of whom have completed middle school — agrees.
“Definitely going to orientation and getting to know the teachers helps,” she says. “Because I have had multiple kids, my children have had an opportunity to go to the other schools for various things, and the same with the high school. That always helps the transition.”
For children who do not have older siblings, Salchert recommends putting them in touch with neighbors or friends who are already in middle school and can answer any questions.
Her 13-year-old daughter, Casey, adds that it helps to find out the class schedule in advance instead of showing up on the first day and being overwhelmed.
Counselors Address Specific Concerns
Davis Drive Middle School Counselor Fran Hughes eases the transition for fifth graders by visiting fifth-grade classrooms along with a few middle school students to answer questions.
Sink, at the elementary school, shows fifth-graders a video that addresses fears such as bullying, lockers and getting lost. She takes combinations locks to class for the children to practice with and encourages children to visit schools with their parents.
“Children absorb the stress of their parents,” Sink says. “So if the parents can get their questions about middle school answered early on then it helps.” This year, Sink’s parent meeting was standing room only because parents were so confused about potential changes in school assignments.
“We did a survey after the open houses and parent meetings, and 80 percent of the fifth-graders said their stress was less after the open houses,” she says.
Encourage School Involvement
Being invested in a school boosts a child’s self-esteem and academic performance, counselors say, so it’s important for parents to encourage children to participate in school clubs, sports or other activities.
“One of the biggest things is that the more the children are involved in the school the easier the transition will be,” Hughes says.
Rising ninth-grader Casey says it helps to have friends and be involved in school activities. “Middle school was good,” she says. “It was fun because all my friends were there, and that helped me move along because I could talk to them and they were going through the same thing.” In addition, she says that playing volleyball in middle school allowed her to make friends and have more fun at school.
“Middle school is a pivotal time for kids,” Sink says. “You either get them involved and engaged during those years or you lose them.”
But Hughes also cautions against putting too much on a child’s schedule. Some children can manage academically and still have an activity every night of the week, while others cannot. Middle school is a good time to evaluate interests and activities and decide if it’s necessary to drop anything so a child can accommodate a more demanding schedule and a desire to attend school events, Hughes says.
Let Students Be Responsible
Parents of kindergarteners and rising sixth-graders have a lot in common. They are both challenged with the task of letting a child go so the child can continue to grow. But independence for a kindergartner is about learning how to be led by adults from one learning activity to another, while independence in middle school is about finding your own direction while adults watch from the sidelines.
Most sixth-graders need about nine weeks to be comfortable with this newfound independence and the structure of a new school.
With the aid of daily planners, students can record both school activities and academic assignments. Hughes suggests parents check planners and Web sites with their children on occasion to be sure they are tracking assignments appropriately.
Many parents of middle-schoolers miss the day-to-day involvement that is part of the elementary school experience. “One of the difficulties for me, and maybe for other parents, is that you have less hands-on [involvement] than you do in elementary school,” says Sheila Augustine of Cary, who has put one child through middle school and is sending another next year.
Augustine says staying in contact with other parents has been a big help to her. She also appreciates counselors and teachers who talk to her children on their level if they have issues or questions.
Accentuate the Positive
As with anything, it helps to look forward and be positive. Hughes suggests parents reinforce the good things a child will experience in middle school, such as the freedom to walk to lunch independently and make friends with similar interests.
As a parent, think back on your middle school years. Remember that your child will be having similar feelings and keep a compassionate ear available. It’s exciting and scary to be on the cusp of independence.
TIPS FOR KIDS
- Practice opening a combination lock and time yourself.
- Add personal touches to a locker, such as magnets, pictures or posters.
- Keep in mind that four to five minutes to change classes is longer than you think.
- Join a sports team, club or student council.
- Attend school events.
- Meet friends after class to go to the cafeteria.
- Remember that middle school is new to other students, too.
- Be yourself. Don’t just “follow the crowd.”
- Use your strengths: funny, athletic, smart, musical, artistic, mathematical, etc.
- Have a good attitude.
- Make good choices.
- Talk to a favorite teacher or your parents if you have a problem.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
- Communicate with other parents.
- Know your child’s friends.
- Listen to your child.
- Check your child’s planner periodically.
- Become familiar with teachers and staff at your child’s school.
- Reduce your stress by becoming familiar with the school.
- Volunteer in the school’s PTA.
- Encourage your child to be involved at school.
- Allow your child to take more responsibility for himself or herself.
- Share some of your own middle school memories.
- Be positive; don’t make middle school sound like a threatening place.
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